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Question
My husband and I have been married for 10 years.  Throughout those years we have experimented with light bondage and sensual play.  We both enjoy it and try to always mix it up and add in new elements.  While looking for new ideas online I found a few FAQ sites about BDSM....being naturally inquisitive, I sifted through several of the questions that I thought sounded interesting.  The Dom/Sub relationship is something I would like to try, but I have no clue where to start, or even if it would work for us.  

I'm a very outgoing, independent person that enjoys being in control.  I'm also a little OCD (not clinically# about my daily routine and the way our household is ran.  

My husband is also outgoing and independent and enjoys being in control, but he's not overly assertive.  #Believe it or not, we have a wonderful relationship and rarely argue because we understand the concept of give-and-take amongst many other details.)

I am interested in being a sub.....but not full time.  It's not something that would be easy for me, but I love a challenge, and I think I would enjoy giving up control on occasion.  I think it would also help with my low self-esteem towards my body after having 3 kids.  My lack of confidence in my body is very irritating to my husband as it keeps me from doing certain things or trying new things.

I think being a Dom would be a great role for my husband, and I think it would help solidify our relationship even more. I hope that handing over full control to him would boost his confidence in himself and prove my trust and confidence in him as well.

Is it possible to mix the world of living "Vanilla" while bringing in D/s during play time?  
The Internet throws me into information overload!  Where do we start?  We live in an extremely rural community so finding a nearby club or mentor is not really an option for us. Do you have any resources for bondage for beginners to help expand our horizons?

Thanks for any help you have for us!

Answer
Good morning, Jewls,  thanks for writing...

You guys might  wish to pick up a couple of books.

1)  Screw the roses send me the thorns
2)  Sensual magic
3)  The loving dominant

So far as bondage is concerned,  if you go to Amazon and do a search for BASIC BONDAGE within the "books" category  all those on the first page can help you. I know everyone of those books;  the third listed item is a DVD plus book and the guy doing the bondage is a friend of mine. Buying that would be like going to a private demonstration on how to start learning about bondage.

Yes, you can combine vanilla and BDSM. All relationships are slightly different edits up to you to make one that works for you.

A good resource for you as a submissive is: www.submissiveguide.com

If you wish a list of more advanced readings and some other Internet links, please send me an email and in the subject line say: "resource list".  PowerExchangeEditor@yahoo.com

I highly recommend you join FetLife.com. It is free.  On there, I'm Dr_Bob.   Feel free to send me a friend request. On Fetlife,  There are lots of groups with special interests and by looking over the past strings of discussion and by asking your own questions you should be able to get a pretty good idea of how we really do this.

You are correct that the Internet is filled with garbage and wisdom and it is hard to separate them.

There is a catch to using a Dom/sub (D/s) structure to help you with your self-esteem. I suspect that you would have to explain your goals and desires to your husband/Dom  and turn the problem over to him to guide you. However, you would now have to view your role as a submissive as one of pleasing your Dom and not one of anger or resentment that he is "making you do something".   When you get in to authority exchange relationships such as Dominant/submissive and Master/slave there is some really serious reading you're going to want to do.  if you write to me for my resources list you will see the books listed there that you're going to have to read.

By the way, second and fourth Tuesday of each month my partner and I have a live webinar where you can ask us questions as if you are sitting at our dinner table with us. It's called: "Dinner with Dr. Bob and Jen". It starts at 8 PM Eastern time and lasts exactly one hour. It is free. If you wish to be added the announcement for this webinar please send me an email And tell me that you wish me to add you to the list.  It is a small group of about 8 to 15 people depending upon the topic and you would have ample opportunity to ask questions.

I hope this helps;  feel free to ask follow-on questions or to contact me on Fet or by direct email.

Bob

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Robert Rubel (Dr. Bob)

Expertise

Anything related to BDSM or Master/slave relationships or activities.

Experience

See: www.KinkMastery.com I live 24/7 Master/slave lifestyle and have since 2002 both as Master and slave. My Owner and I present and do "weekend intensives" internationally and at BDSM conferences practically every month.

Organizations
Masters And slaves Together (MAsT) National Leather Association - International (NLA-I) National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF)

Publications
+++ BDSM Mastery—Basics: your guide to play, parties, and scene protocols. +++ BDSM Mastery—Relationships: a guide for creating mindful relationships for Dominants and submissives +++ Master/slave Mastery: Updated handbook of concepts, approaches, and practices +++ Master/slave Mastery--Advanced: Refining the fire; ideas that matter +++ Master/slave Mastery--Protocols: Focusing the intent of your relationship +++ Is THAT What They Meant? A book of practical communication insights

Education/Credentials
PhD, Urban Education Policy Studies with a minor in criminology, U of Wisconsin, Madison. EdM, Boston University with specialty in urban education Presented 80+ BDSM weekend conferences worldwide since 2007.

Awards and Honors
Pantheon of Leather Community Choice - Man, 2008

Past/Present Clients
Not applicable.

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