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Question
I am considering a M/s relationship, but don't really have any experience with it. The Dom in this case would be a very old friend of mine with a lot of history, and I trust him very much. We've dated before, and we're both single, but I don't really mind if he sees other women at this point. Does a sub have to be a significant other? Can I be something like a "pet"? How is that viewed; is it trashy, or does everyone sort of have their own way of doing it? I'm not clear on the conventions here, or if there are any.

Answer
Hi, Sarah, thanks for writing...

You might want to pick up a copy of at least my first book on M/s called: "Master/slave Relations: Handbook of theory and practice" -- and possibly my "Protocol Handbook for the Female slave: Handbook of theory and practice".

All relationships are slightly different and polyamorous M/s is fairly common.  No, a sub doesn't have to be a SO and yes you can be a pet -- if you want to do "it", whatever "it" is, it's up to those involved in the relationship structure -- there aren't any rules and nobody will think better or worse of you: it's just the way you guys are.  For 10 years I was Owned and I also had a slave and she and I were swingers.  It's just the way we were.

Best wishes,

Bob  

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Robert Rubel (Dr. Bob)

Expertise

Anything related to BDSM or Master/slave relationships or activities.

Experience

See: www.KinkMastery.com I live 24/7 Master/slave lifestyle and have since 2002 both as Master and slave. My Owner and I present and do "weekend intensives" internationally and at BDSM conferences practically every month.

Organizations
Masters And slaves Together (MAsT) National Leather Association - International (NLA-I) National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF)

Publications
+++ BDSM Mastery—Basics: your guide to play, parties, and scene protocols. +++ BDSM Mastery—Relationships: a guide for creating mindful relationships for Dominants and submissives +++ Master/slave Mastery: Updated handbook of concepts, approaches, and practices +++ Master/slave Mastery--Advanced: Refining the fire; ideas that matter +++ Master/slave Mastery--Protocols: Focusing the intent of your relationship +++ Is THAT What They Meant? A book of practical communication insights

Education/Credentials
PhD, Urban Education Policy Studies with a minor in criminology, U of Wisconsin, Madison. EdM, Boston University with specialty in urban education Presented 80+ BDSM weekend conferences worldwide since 2007.

Awards and Honors
Pantheon of Leather Community Choice - Man, 2008

Past/Present Clients
Not applicable.

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