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BDSM/D/s relationship, new to the actual practice.

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Question
My ex and I have recently started exploring the Dominant side of his sexuality. We dated for two years and realized that our goals aren't the same, but we've been friends for half our lives. I've known that I am a sub...for, we'll as long as I can remember, but after being on the receiving side of some very violent relationships, stopped expressing my interest, except privately, with myself. However, him I trust completely. We were looking fore some advice and tips to begin experimenting with. I like humiliation, spanking, and have several other fetishes, that my Master has been kind enough to allow me to explore, however we were looking to get some basic guidelines from someone far more experienced than either of us.


Thank you for your time,
mhh

Answer
mhh --

Unfortunately, it is difficult to give you information on what to do.  What resonates and excite each of you is a personal preference.

But here are some suggestions you might find helpful:

1.  look for a BDSM checklist by searching Google.  Reviewing the list together - and segregating things into things you are very interest in, those that you're not sure about, and those that are on "hard limits" that you don't want to do - is a great way to see what the options are and see where your mutual interests lie.

2.  realize that there are many activities that are dangerous if not done with proper research and skill development.  There are books, online resources, and classes run by local groups.  Take advantage of these.

3.  get to know your local BDSM community.  There is a great benefit in finding like minded people as friends, mentors or even play partners if that interests you.

4.  Join FetLife - sort of the kinky Facebook - that has discussions and resources on a wide variety of topics and listings of local events.

Be safe; have fun.

Ben

BDSM

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Ben Martin

Expertise

Questions related to power-based relationships in which decision-making authority is intentionally and consensually transferred -- and the resulting imbalance celebrated. I am able to assist those trying to understand where they fit in, and those seeking to structure and thrive in a power based relationships. Specific topics I am able to discuss include: setting and achieving personal and relationship goals, responsible Mastery, the use of protocols and rituals, communication techniques, and conflict resolution. In addition, I am knowledgable and experienced in polyamory, long-distance relationships, bisexuality and a variety of kinky activities ranging from mind games to sadistic play.

Experience

I have chosen to have a power-based structure in my relationships over the past 18 years. This has included a 16-year M/s relationship, several shorter term D/s relationships and various play partners. I am an active participant in various online forums and seek to provide support and advice to those interested in the Lifestyle.

Organizations
Black Rose

Publications
My writings, insights and discussion contributions are available on Alt.com and FetLife.com. On both websites, my user name is BenMartin

Education/Credentials
I do not hold any credentials specific to BDSM, relying instead on knowledge gained from life experiences, reading and conversing with others in the Lifestyle.

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