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BDSM/need advice on a couple of things

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Sir, i need your advice, i am in a part time d/m relationship we have known each other for over 11 yrs which we were friends( well with extras on the side- we live 4 hours from each other so we see each other every 4-7 week or so  and then in the last few months, my master has asked me to be his slave. Dynamics have changed, im new to this lifestyle, he is not new to it, but first meeting as his slave he did collar me but only in his home. i think i was not ready so whole experience as slave i was bratty as i felt he wasnt guiding me, i should of spoken to him, and he did not speak up or tell me i had displeased him, so i went home and we were distant, i felt like a piece of meat and abandoned. so we had a minor falling out for a few weeks. we are now talking again after he pointed out i was just pretending to be a sub and my behaviors was not acceptable, i appologised and he is now giving me a 2nd chance in a few weeks to prove myself. before i was to call him master , and he called me slave, now he has changed his mind i am to now address him as his real name and he will address me as my real name, but im still to be collared when i visit him but this time inside and outside the home and he wanted to show him im willing and obediant but wearing his collar in public as well, as this did not occur last time.  is this normal for a master to do this? we have an agreement when i visit him he owns me 100% in and out of the bedroom but when i return to my home i own myself. he said i have to earn the name slave until then im his play toy, til i show my behaviour is willingly obedient and do everything he says i am to earn the title. what im confused and need advice is,- he says he doesnt own me when we are apart living in our respected towns , we talk via txt on a day to day basis, he is not one for calling on the phone but  keep in contact regularly. Hebut if i do something he is not happy i still get punished away from him such as - he will ignore me for the day, he will tell me what ive done , tell me how long i will be silenced , but ill also be punished when i visit him, so isnt this technically owned, he also has shown me pictures of a collar with slave written on and suggested i buy one for myself to wear in my home town , but i can wear as i please  it was up to me? w. he doesnt set me tasks but may ask for more photos etc but he says im free to do as i wish but it would be in my best interest i do so.  ? so im rather confused, am i owned away from him  or am i not. i feel as if i am. i am on trial next visit and collared completely even in public. but when am away from him my own person but tech he still controls me? can see my confusion? also your advice on this situation?  we are poly, we both agree we can see other people when apart but do not speak about it, i dont have any other masters but him as i feel he is my master, and he doesnt have any other subs/slaves that i know of as generally when he has 1 slave that is 100% owned by him like myself he doesnt have another, just fuck buddies . I am happy with this arrangement until the times comes where we want more , i know he cares for me, and have to told him to be more vocal towards me if i have not pleased or have pleased him so i know. i have also this time round learnt to tell him if i feel like he has not paid enough attention, but sometimes i think im been too needy and wanting to speak to him, sometimes he responds sometimes he doesnt. so your advice bout the ownership, is it normal for a master/slave to call each other by their first names at the masters request, and advice for a new collared slave wanting to please her master.
 thank you sir.

Answer
Alright you have a number of questions and since this is now in the pool I will try to answer for you.

First off every one is different and has a different view between public and private lives.  Many dom's are almost embarrassed about public displays because of the social stigmatism associated.  Others of us treated it no different between public and private. The fact he hides in public means there will be NO public humiliation, or acts of submission demanded... depending on your view this is good or bad.  But it is clear you need the ownership aspect to be complete and include a public display of this.  Simply trick for this, buy a chocker, and instead of a cameo wear a slave symbol from it, on the back have his initials in caps, above yours in lower case... That you can wear anywhere and only those in the life will recognize the symbol, but also should respect you are owned. However, if he order you not to.. talk to him, tell him how important it is and your reasoning for this.

On the name thing, sorry but this is more like a kinky boyfriend than a real master, any slave of mine who is that familiar private or public would be punished.  And never would any dare  use my first name.  It may well be you are his kinky fuck buddy, being poly is not an excuses to "fuck around" being poly means that you share a relationship with more than one person.  My household lives a poly existence but only with the members in the household, and our shared guests.  It suggests to me he is quite young (under 35) and has not developed the total package.  I am sorry but that is my impression.  

If however, this makes you happy and fulfilled then continue, but sit down with him and discuss openly any issues of adjustments you make.  Long distance relationships are always strained, and possibly a change for you to his home is much more what is needed to cement the relationship.  If you have further questions just ask.

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Aramock Nanuck

Expertise

I will answer any questions concern the lifestyle and may annoy a few because I do dive into the history and psychology of this lifestyle in many of my answers. I have a partner a Femdom Mistress who shares my experiences and assets, as I hers. Also belonging to a couple groups in Europa and Asia. Traveling frequently between the continents. We tend to share information and discuss many of the topics frequently. I will focus on the core items around, training and relationship management for those that are interested.

Experience

I have been involved in the lifestyle since being introduced to it by my father at the age of 13. He was a master in the 50's to 80's but predated the popularity of Gor, and was Pharaonic in nature. I owned my own slaves since my early 20's. I have usually been part of a poly household. For about 6 years three of us ran a BDSM club in Prague until it was "acquired" by the Russian "businessmen". I do not hold any moral taboos about this lifestyle and at one time or another have experience or seen everything imaginable. It is in this absence of mrals that principles, protocols and personal honour must determine the worth of an individual. It is their clear and unwavering adherence to these ethics that make for stauncher things than those which some observance by mere lip service to common morals. When men/women of honour lead, then they do so without malice, without negativity and without thought of personal gain. It only then that they truly attain Dominon over others. Therefore in mastery comes a devotion to duty, and the existence, needs and desires of others that exceeds the submission mere slaves give to the Dominant. A Dominant one must lead, govern, educate and enrich the lives of subjects beign ruled... for otherwise they are but a sycophant and a tyrant. Hedonism and narcissism plays no part in this, it is an apparition that forms from acts done at much higher levels of meaning that mere morally bound persons can not see.

Organizations
I belong to a number of local clubs, and a loose association (not formal) of about 25 masters and mistresses here in Western Europe and Asia who share experiences, training and some exchange trade assets.

Publications
I have not published on BDSM under my name, but contribute frequently to forums. I am consolidating my writings slowly on DarkCastleSin.org for any that are interested in reading.

Education/Credentials
Not relevant although I do have a DCS and DT but I am not Christian so have no moral dilemmas with this lifestyle.

Awards and Honors
Not applicable here, come on in our lifestyle these do not exist but should. When was the last time we had public awards for Worlds Darkest Sadist, World's Most Gifted Shibaru Artist, Worlds Most Diligent Mentor, World's Most Gifted Enthusiast,

Past/Present Clients
Not relevant; private consults remain so.

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