BDSM/Confused

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Question
I like being told what to do by an alpha male. And that peaked my interest into the master/slave relationship but I'm confused about the difference between being submissive and being a slave. Is there a difference or are they the same thing? And how do I know which one one i am?

Answer
Daryen -

The difference between the terms submissive and slave is one of the endlessly debated questions for which there is no universally accepted answer. Some people see "slave" as a role they play during kinky bedroom activities. Others see it as a calling - a desire to be in a relationship grounded in swrvice and surrender of control. And just about everywhere in between.

From my perspective, the core components (and key questions regardless of your chosen definition) are:

How much control do you want to relinquish?  Consider space (is it bedroom only or extend beyond), time (night time? Weekends? All the time? Or?) and dimension (are there any parts of your life that are out-of-bounds - such as finances, work/school, family and friends or health?). In general, the more control you relinquish the more likely that "slave" is the applicable term.

What motivations your interest? There is no universal right answer. However, there are right answers for you that will help you find your niche. Possibilities include: a desire for structure, relinquishment of control, being of service/pleasing another, receiving attention, kinky sex. Remember that you don't have to choose just one.

As you embark on the journey of finding yourself, I'd encourage you to get active in the local community. It doesn't mean you have to find a partner or play with anyone. But meeting others can help you see what resonates with you.

And there is no rush to decide. Nor is there only once opportunity to check the box. What you feel today may be different tomorrow. Self-discovery, experience and established relations are all influencing factors.

Enjoy!

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Ben Martin

Expertise

Questions related to power-based relationships in which decision-making authority is intentionally and consensually transferred -- and the resulting imbalance celebrated. I am able to assist those trying to understand where they fit in, and those seeking to structure and thrive in a power based relationships. Specific topics I am able to discuss include: setting and achieving personal and relationship goals, responsible Mastery, the use of protocols and rituals, communication techniques, and conflict resolution. In addition, I am knowledgable and experienced in polyamory, long-distance relationships, bisexuality and a variety of kinky activities ranging from mind games to sadistic play.

Experience

I have chosen to have a power-based structure in my relationships over the past 18 years. This has included a 16-year M/s relationship, several shorter term D/s relationships and various play partners. I am an active participant in various online forums and seek to provide support and advice to those interested in the Lifestyle.

Organizations
Black Rose

Publications
My writings, insights and discussion contributions are available on Alt.com and FetLife.com. On both websites, my user name is BenMartin

Education/Credentials
I do not hold any credentials specific to BDSM, relying instead on knowledge gained from life experiences, reading and conversing with others in the Lifestyle.

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