BDSM/EMS/TENS

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Question
Hello Ben, I am an experienced sub/slave re-entering a TPE relationship with a man I was with for 10 years.  We are lucky enough to get a second chance and I am more emotionally mature now about life and communication than I was at 19.  Given his sadistic nature and joy that he received from inflicting pain on me in ways that pleasure us both or just him I am am researching toys.  I had various emotions relating to my own enjoyment of his tortures and want to give him a present that sends a clear message that I am ready to completely submit to his pleasure and mine in submitting selflessly because of the pleasure that gives me.   So I ended up with EMS/TENS units.  Any advice from a first hand perspective would be appreciated.  I have researched but finding accounts of the pain levels and equipment that would best serve that are hard to find. I would like to find something that can grow with us and want to purchase various insertable products as well as external.  Any tips?  Budget is not an issue, thankfully.

Answer
Michelle -

Wonderful for you that you were able to reconnect with your partner and find your "place."

I am not an expert on TENS units - however, I know that Erostek is considered the best brand. And I know that the units are highly adjustable. Another option would be a violet wand, which can range in sensation from almost a tickle to being able to do semi-brandings that can last for months.

But I would urge you to take a step back and consider what items he has expressed an interest in. If he's never mention e-atom, then there is a risk that the gift comes off as you asserting your wants and desires - no matter how much you intend it to be for him and a sign of submission. Another option would be to get him a high quality toy that he has already shown great fondness for (paddle, whip, flogger, whatever).

Whatever you decide, enjoy

Master Ben

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Ben Martin

Expertise

Questions related to power-based relationships in which decision-making authority is intentionally and consensually transferred -- and the resulting imbalance celebrated. I am able to assist those trying to understand where they fit in, and those seeking to structure and thrive in a power based relationships. Specific topics I am able to discuss include: setting and achieving personal and relationship goals, responsible Mastery, the use of protocols and rituals, communication techniques, and conflict resolution. In addition, I am knowledgable and experienced in polyamory, long-distance relationships, bisexuality and a variety of kinky activities ranging from mind games to sadistic play.

Experience

I have chosen to have a power-based structure in my relationships over the past 18 years. This has included a 16-year M/s relationship, several shorter term D/s relationships and various play partners. I am an active participant in various online forums and seek to provide support and advice to those interested in the Lifestyle.

Organizations
Black Rose

Publications
My writings, insights and discussion contributions are available on Alt.com and FetLife.com. On both websites, my user name is BenMartin

Education/Credentials
I do not hold any credentials specific to BDSM, relying instead on knowledge gained from life experiences, reading and conversing with others in the Lifestyle.

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