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good evening I am 52 I met this lady who wants me to be her master an own her I never did this wear can I go to read up on this an lean how to be a good master to her this is all new to me please help an thank you

Answer
Bob -

The first question is whether you want this for you - or just because someone you are interested in wants it. Being "in charge" in a power- based relationship takes a lot of effort. If it is t something that calls to you, then you're likely to grow resentful and she's likely to be disappointed.

So, as a first step, I'd encourage you to take time for self-exploration and consider what it means and whether it's something you want. The fact that you haven't had a relationship to date that is structured like this doesn't mean it isn't what you want. There are many in the Lifestyle that don't discover this need until later in life.

It would. Also help for you to have a clear sense of her vision of a Master/slave relationship. It can mean different things to different people - from complete transfer of control to occasional kinky sex.

Whe there are different visions and different styles, the common theme tends to be wanting to be in control. Do you want to make the decisions in your relationship? Are there areas where you don't want that responsibility? Is your leadership style to dictate precise details, or broad objectives and let her figure out the details? Do you like the idea of someone serving you?

In terms of "figuring it out," there is no one single answer. You can read books. (Look for books by Jack Rinella, Robert Rubel, Peter Masters). You can attend meetings (look for your local Master And slaves Together), and you can attend workshops like Master slave Conference. Seeing how other relationships work, being able to ask questions, and potentially finding a mentor can be a wonderful path. But remember: there is no one right way. You get to do things the way that works for you.

All the best

Master Ben

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Ben Martin

Expertise

Questions related to power-based relationships in which decision-making authority is intentionally and consensually transferred -- and the resulting imbalance celebrated. I am able to assist those trying to understand where they fit in, and those seeking to structure and thrive in a power based relationships. Specific topics I am able to discuss include: setting and achieving personal and relationship goals, responsible Mastery, the use of protocols and rituals, communication techniques, and conflict resolution. In addition, I am knowledgable and experienced in polyamory, long-distance relationships, bisexuality and a variety of kinky activities ranging from mind games to sadistic play.

Experience

I have chosen to have a power-based structure in my relationships over the past 18 years. This has included a 16-year M/s relationship, several shorter term D/s relationships and various play partners. I am an active participant in various online forums and seek to provide support and advice to those interested in the Lifestyle.

Organizations
Black Rose

Publications
My writings, insights and discussion contributions are available on Alt.com and FetLife.com. On both websites, my user name is BenMartin

Education/Credentials
I do not hold any credentials specific to BDSM, relying instead on knowledge gained from life experiences, reading and conversing with others in the Lifestyle.

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