You are here:

BDSM/In need of guideance

Advertisement


Question
The D/s relationship intrigues me.  And I'm looking for a master. Is there a way to find one even if I have no experience in this type of relationship?

Answer
Daryen - prior experience isn't a prerequisite. However, I would encourage you to be thoughtful and deliberate in your search.

There are many options in a D/s relationship. Give some thought to what will work for you. Here are some questions to start your exploration:

What motivates your interest in this type of relationship dynamic? (It could be service, pleasing nother, attention, structure, kinky sex just to name a few)

For many, a D/s relationship assumes a transfer of control/authority. Is that something that appeals to you? If so, consider whether you want to limit that by time (only on the weekends), space (only in the bedroom), or activity (not my family).

What qualities are you looking for in a Dominant partner? Do they need prior experience? Are there age restrictions?

What are your communication needs?

Do you want monogamy or polyamory?

What do you offer and bring to the table?

Once you have a sense of what you're looking for, then you can start your search. I'd encourage you to attend local events - munches , workshops, discussions, conferences. Meet people. See what you like in other's relationships. See how different Dominants behave and what resonates for you. Take time to find someone that not only makes you wet, but shares values, goals and objectives.

Enjoy,

Master Ben

BDSM

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


Ben Martin

Expertise

Questions related to power-based relationships in which decision-making authority is intentionally and consensually transferred -- and the resulting imbalance celebrated. I am able to assist those trying to understand where they fit in, and those seeking to structure and thrive in a power based relationships. Specific topics I am able to discuss include: setting and achieving personal and relationship goals, responsible Mastery, the use of protocols and rituals, communication techniques, and conflict resolution. In addition, I am knowledgable and experienced in polyamory, long-distance relationships, bisexuality and a variety of kinky activities ranging from mind games to sadistic play.

Experience

I have chosen to have a power-based structure in my relationships over the past 18 years. This has included a 16-year M/s relationship, several shorter term D/s relationships and various play partners. I am an active participant in various online forums and seek to provide support and advice to those interested in the Lifestyle.

Organizations
Black Rose

Publications
My writings, insights and discussion contributions are available on Alt.com and FetLife.com. On both websites, my user name is BenMartin

Education/Credentials
I do not hold any credentials specific to BDSM, relying instead on knowledge gained from life experiences, reading and conversing with others in the Lifestyle.

©2016 About.com. All rights reserved.