You are here:

BDSM/dom to slave language

Advertisement


Question
I have recently become involved with a man (I am also male) who needs a Master to dominate him in his private life (he's very powerful in his career).  This a new role for me, although I think I am capable of cultivating the persona.  I really want to impress this man that I AM his Master.  It would help to have some words, phrases and such that I can collect in my own sort of Master/slave dictionary.  Can you provide some language or recommend a resource?
Thank you!

Answer
dennis.

The fact that is he very powerful in his career does not automatically preclude the possibility that he can be Dominant. Correlation is not causation, so do not make this supposition about every high-powered boss. Stereotyping runs contrary to rational thought in BDSM, and this practice should not be standard. If that was just a harmless note, disregard the prior advice and carry on.

You must not be capable of cultivating the persona, you must feel comfortable in taking MASTERY of someone, which is not a light task. There are many myths in BDSM, and one is that you can just "step into" a role in order to impress someone. OWNERSHIP of an entire autonomous person is not an easy feat. It's not like acting, it's real life. You aren't going to be "playing" Master, you must decide to BE the Master, definitively, without hesitation or turmoil. Now, if you've already started on this journey, I can tell you that it is okay to experiment, but be sure to note that it is just that... an experiment. You may be getting this submissive's hope up to think you're this big Dominant Master, but really you're just testing the waters to see if it is a good fit, and he will be sorely disappointed later. Do not relinquish your ability to make life decisions for yourself to impress someone else, especially if this is just a casual, new relationship.

I could give you a Master/slave glossary, but those would just be words. Being a Dominant is a state of mind. I can say "oh I am so submissive, I will let you take control of my life" but it would just be a phrase, for I am a Dominant. I stepped into the role many years ago, not very resolute, but then I became more and more comfortable taking the reigns and doing all the intense micro-managing that is required in a 24/7 TPE (total power exchange) dynamic. Make it clear that you're experimenting, and don't use false pretenses, buzzwords/lingo, or smoke and mirrors to pretend Dominance. Become Dominant first, then enter into an agreement of D/s later... and take it very seriously.

Let Me know how it goes.
Madame Rax.  

BDSM

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


Madame Rax

Expertise

I am open and willing to answer any questions involving BDSM that do not specifically concern illegal acts involving children or non-consensual assault against an unwilling party.

Experience

I have had BDSM experience in a professional capacity since 2005. As far as personal, non-professional experience, I have always taken the lead in relationships, friendships, and other situational interactions. I prefer to "wear the pants" so to speak. However, this is not to say I wear the physical pants: I am mostly seen wearing skirts.

Organizations
National Coalition for Sexual Freedom

Publications
Excitedly, this will be my first foray into professional writing about BDSM, however my vanilla writings have appeared in several publications online. I am the former main web editor of a very popular DIY website, writing articles about electronics, repurposing, and sustainability.

Education/Credentials
I have participated in many educational workshops held by Pro-Dommes. I have also hosted a few workshops involving BDSM issues. I have done extensive research on D/s power dynamics and BDSM. As far as education, however, professional sessions and interactions with clients have provided most of my experience.

Past/Present Clients
I have a multitude of both. I specialize in clients with physical handicaps, rare kinks, edge play, LGBT lifestyles, and other underrepresented or marginalized groups.

©2016 About.com. All rights reserved.