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QUESTION: Hi. Well here's my issue. I'm relatively new to BDSM this is my first of this kind. Its also online also I have absolutely fallen for my Master. That in it self isn't bad i mean I'm not expecting a miracle like a fairytale ending but lately I've started to hope for a long relationship between us. He makes me come alive. Also He's more than twice my age which makes it odd because it generally doesn't happen. And as i said this is my first relationship of this kind. And I want this to work i really do its just i feel like I should be doing more and I've told Him about feeling this way and he says that I'm doing fine and he understands that I am  but He deserves more he deserves a great looking sub/slave who knows all the rules not a passable looking slave who stumbles with even basic rules. Any advice is welcome. Thank you.

ANSWER: Maria,

First you didn't say if you see each other or is it just a online relationship.

Most submissive's tend to far for their Dom's and the other way around for that matter.. Dom's tend to end up loving or caring for what he owns, and there is nothing wrong with it.

As for Age, I can't say it is wrong or not. My personal opinion is it's not a issue when the Dom is older then the submissive. Although for me as a Dominate, I would never own anyone who is the same age of my children but again this is just a personal thing. If you and he have no issues with it, then don't let it become one.

And now to the most important issue at hand.. Your Master/Dom knows that this is not your first rodeo and really he is better off that way. Cause he does not have to untrain you in area's you have been taught to behave in a manner he doesn't want in his relationships. You need to sit down and talk to him, share this with him, cause as long as you have these feelings, your going to hurt the relationship in the long run..

And for you, I suggest you check out some web pages, and become members of sites such as Fetlife.com it is a free site, and you can join groups and learn more and more about yourself and your Master as well.

I also suggest you turn to other sites such as

http://www.asubmissivesinitiative.com/

http://victoriablisse.co.uk/blog/news/ann-mayburn-dont-let-bdsm-intimidate-you

http://www.rosecoloredasses.com/sirreal/main.htm

Again you need to communicate with him how you are feeling, and if this is going to be a online relationship only then you need to decide if you can deal with it. For those who are just entering into this kind of relationship it works well, although in time things are not the same, and they need more from the relationship then what they get. I was in a collar for two yrs, eight months when I finally asked release.. It started out as a online, then we started visiting each other, and on my second visit to him I figured out I was in love with him, although it took two more yrs before I had gotten to the point in my life I knew I needed him more then what I was getting, and since it was supposed to be a online only relationship when we started I knew it would never be anything more then visits every three or four months. So I had to walk away ,cause I had gotten to the point i needed it more then what I was getting.


I wish you luck and I hope you understand that if you can not be honest with him about how you feel about him and about how you feel about what he should have compared to what he does have you will put a stake through the relationship which will in the end tear it apart. So you need to put it on the table and allow him to deal with everything in the manner he wishes.

Lady Aryana

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: We Skype text and e-mail and hope to meet in the near future. He currently lives in a different country so sometimes it's hard to talk. And some times it makes me feel like I'm bothering Him. Even when I ask questions. I guess it just feels like i should know this stuff. But thing like whipping or even rules seem out there sometimes. Then He's still teaching me about finding my slave self and i feel like I'm meant to be His slave but sometimes I feel unsure. Is that even normal?

Answer
Maria,

The one thing about being in a D/s relationship and on top of that a Long Distance which you are, it that real life has a way of getting in the way. I do not know how much experience he has in any of this, so I am going to answer it with thinking he has alot more experience then you do.

If you were bothering him I am sure he would let you know. Just remember, there will be those times, life is just over whelming and he is not only dealing with every day issues, he has also taken on the role of your Master, so he might be trying to work things out so that you can be the submissive he wants. Although first and fore most remember he is still HUMAN. Again you need to talk to him about how you feel at times. Just tell him in a manner he take it all in.

If you do not already do it, I would suggest you write a journal every day you talk to him so he knows how things are going in your world, and in your submission. This will not only allow you to get things out, it allows you to express them in a manner which you aren't talking directly to him. After you have written it, you can either send it or not, but you should at least tell him you are writing it, and allow him to decide when or if he wants it. He might only want you to send it weekly or every other day. This will be his choice.

The time difference is a hard one to work with, although since you do Skype and email things like that can make it easier. Just remember if he didn't want to be there for you he wouldn't have to even sign in. So take the time you have with him, and enjoy it and allow him to hear your thoughts and feelings in a journal so he can address them as he sees fit..

I don't think I can stress enough communication is a MUST in this relationship and even more so when you are long distance. So just keep those lines open and do what ever you need to so that they never close.

So yes you are normal, all submissive goes through this every so often..

As for whippings and rules being out there sometimes, since you are new you will find the longer you do this, the less they will seem out there.

Just remember, Your kink will not be like someone's else. So do not judge anyone based on what you do not do.

Good Luck and I Hope this helps.

Lady Aryana  

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Lady Aryana

Expertise

Fem Dom relationships, Male Dom/fem slave, Master/slave relationships M/f, F/f, Long Distance relationships, Leather community, Victorian Lifestyle, BDSM play, Community support, Full time slavery and submission *living together, and how to adjust, protocols, and so forth. Web pages and site for help with finding others in your area. HOH or DD relationships. D/s has always been a part of me I am still active in looking for a relationship either D/s or Mistress/slave, or simply learning more in order to help others. I am always reading, either on the net or books.

Experience

I have been in long distance relationship that were D/s relationships. I have owned both male and female slaves/submissive, I have been both a real time slave, submissive, and submissive wife. I am not in a committed relationship at the moment. I just moved to Indina with in the last year. I can be found on Fetlife.com as LadyAryana. I am not collared, and I still am always on the look for others to play with around me. Slowing I am returning to being active in the community here in Indiana. In the past I have been active in the BDSM community and a DM for play parties. I have been active for the last 20+ yrs in BDSM in one way or another

Organizations
I was active in the GA community when I lived there. I am semi active in Indiana since moving here, I attend munches and demo's / play parties GRALE, Belong to PEP, and other BDSM clubs over the yrs.

Publications
Egroups, Blogs, Journals, And some story writings.

Education/Credentials
Have taken work shops for different BDSM events. Attended SELF given demo's, Been a DM for play parties and private and public clubs. Attending gathering of both D/s, Spanking lifestyles. I have been active in HOH and DD relationships. I was active in the leather community while living in GA. I was trained Victorian and and Gorean, I understand that training varies in each relationship so you adjust to what it is you do for the relationship you are in. I have trained both Master's and Mistress' along with slaves in the yrs I have been in BDSM.

Past/Present Clients
Master, slave, submissive, Tops, and Bottoms. Along with those who simply wanted to learn how to be kinky in the bedroom

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