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BDSM/Losing my Master

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Question
Im new to being submissive, I've met this man about a year ago who got me into this lifstyle,  we just parted ways, which I didn't think I would feel this badly however, I have no idea on how to handle this,  do I change my name, do I give back my collar, I'm so confused and I feel lost.

Answer
Joy -

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling. The end of any relationship is difficult. But the end of a power-based relationship can be even more challenging. A submissive can feel untethered and aimless. I would encourage you to consider whether you can find focus and connection by being of service to the community, participating in lifestyle social activities (like munches), and waiting to start your search.

I'd also encourage you to learn from the past relationship: what type of relationship elements do you need? What was good about the relationship? What would you have changed?

In terms of your name and collar, since he didn't provide a direction, it's really for you to decide. Some find it cathartic to return the collar, others want to keep it or throw it away.

I hope you heal quickly.  

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Ben Martin

Expertise

Questions related to power-based relationships in which decision-making authority is intentionally and consensually transferred -- and the resulting imbalance celebrated. I am able to assist those trying to understand where they fit in, and those seeking to structure and thrive in a power based relationships. Specific topics I am able to discuss include: setting and achieving personal and relationship goals, responsible Mastery, the use of protocols and rituals, communication techniques, and conflict resolution. In addition, I am knowledgable and experienced in polyamory, long-distance relationships, bisexuality and a variety of kinky activities ranging from mind games to sadistic play.

Experience

I have chosen to have a power-based structure in my relationships over the past 18 years. This has included a 16-year M/s relationship, several shorter term D/s relationships and various play partners. I am an active participant in various online forums and seek to provide support and advice to those interested in the Lifestyle.

Organizations
Black Rose

Publications
My writings, insights and discussion contributions are available on Alt.com and FetLife.com. On both websites, my user name is BenMartin

Education/Credentials
I do not hold any credentials specific to BDSM, relying instead on knowledge gained from life experiences, reading and conversing with others in the Lifestyle.

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