You are here:

BDSM/not sure what am I

Advertisement


Question
hi, i am not sure how to ask this because my English is not very good,hope u can understand my question. i have been interested in bdsm ever since i was under age. even as a kid when  i see someone being tied up or spanked or “forced” (i do understand safe,sane and consensual) in a movie or whatever it gives me pleasure not sexual though i was just a kid,it's very hard to explain. it does turn into sexual as i get older though. anyway i joined fetlife when i turned 18 and label myself as a submissive but lately i am questioning myself if i am really submissive,because i am doing some self reflecting (if that's the right term ) and i realize all my fantasies is my tying someone up or spanking them and whenever i read a bdsm story or blog it's always the dominant point of view that turns me on. so i am wondering if i only thought i was a submissive because i am extremely shy. i am also pretty dominant to people i know very well. but because i am very shy i usually act quite submissive until i know them well enough and it takes a pretty long time for me to fully warm up to someone. also i had been playing submissive with a very nice guy,we broke it off because of conflicting schedule and while i like his company i can't say i enjoy being submissive...

Answer
You are probably a Switch. A Switch is a person who is conditionally either Dominant or submissive, depending on their mood and/or the dynamic of the individual interaction. Experiment and you will find yourself falling in love with either role, or you may become more resolute in being a Switch. Either way, the only way you can find out is through practice. Get a lot. Don't agree to anything you're uncomfortable consenting to, and you will be fine.

Madame Rax

BDSM

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


Madame Rax

Expertise

I am open and willing to answer any questions involving BDSM that do not specifically concern illegal acts involving children or non-consensual assault against an unwilling party.

Experience

I have had BDSM experience in a professional capacity since 2005. As far as personal, non-professional experience, I have always taken the lead in relationships, friendships, and other situational interactions. I prefer to "wear the pants" so to speak. However, this is not to say I wear the physical pants: I am mostly seen wearing skirts.

Organizations
National Coalition for Sexual Freedom

Publications
Excitedly, this will be my first foray into professional writing about BDSM, however my vanilla writings have appeared in several publications online. I am the former main web editor of a very popular DIY website, writing articles about electronics, repurposing, and sustainability.

Education/Credentials
I have participated in many educational workshops held by Pro-Dommes. I have also hosted a few workshops involving BDSM issues. I have done extensive research on D/s power dynamics and BDSM. As far as education, however, professional sessions and interactions with clients have provided most of my experience.

Past/Present Clients
I have a multitude of both. I specialize in clients with physical handicaps, rare kinks, edge play, LGBT lifestyles, and other underrepresented or marginalized groups.

©2016 About.com. All rights reserved.