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BDSM/D/s we are both married

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Question
I have been married to my husband for 17 years. We have played around with me being his Dom for about a year now. Just simple tying up, whipping, anal play. I love Dominating him, and he loves the attention. Recently I was intrigued by a friend of ours who is a Dom. I told him there was no way I could ever let someone dominate me. The more he talked about it, the more hot I got thinking about him dominating me. I have decided to become a Switch. The concern I have is we are both married. HIs wife does not know about us, but my husband does, and he is often involved in our experiences. The more I read about a D/s relationship, the more concerned I get that we may fall in love with eachother, and it could end up being bad for both our marriages. What is your opinion.

Answer
Hi Martine,

That would be a concern for me too and it's something you'll need to discuss with your husband and your Dom. I get a lot of questions about poly relationships and/or adding a third person into a relationship and what many people don't realize is how much planning is involved!

Before you get into a poly relationship you need to discuss the ins and outs of how you expect the relationship to work and what you want to get out of it. That includes how to handle feelings that you either don't reciprocate or that you find yourself confused about. I think the best thing to do if this situation were to arise would be to immediately take a step back from the outside relationship and take a look at what made the feelings start.

You can also try to discuss whether a long-term romantic poly-relationship could work for you and your husband (and hopefully, you'll be able to involve your Dom's wife as well). For some, this just isn't possible but for lots of poly families it works out just fine!

Just remember to have a clear plan going into it and keep an open mind when negotiating! Good luck!

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Jessica Cocker

Expertise

BDSM lifestyle, Dom/sub relationship, daddy/little girl relationships, BDSM theory and practice with real life applications, sadism and masochism, bondage application with some rope/shibari experience, BDSM toy information, BDSM and bondage safety, I can answer questions regarding M/s based on research, but I have no experience in a M/s dynamic.

Experience

7+ years exploring the lifestyle, 1+ years in 24/7 DD/lg relationship, 1+ year at A Submissive's Initiative

Organizations
Founder/CEO of A Submissive's Initiave, Founder/CEO of A Dominant's Initiative, Founder/CEO of The Safe Submissive

Publications
www.asibdsm.com

Education/Credentials
Self education, along with educational research for A Submissive's Initiative. 3 years into my Bachelors in Early Childhood Education, with experience working in the field.

Past/Present Clients
Currently guiding my Daddy through exploration of his DD side, as well as providing mentoring to several people through A Submissive's Initiative and providing supporting through A Dominant's Initiative and The Safe Submissive

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