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Question
How should a dominant treat a female submissive of rights and wrongs? And should a submissive listen to the dominants girlfriend. I curious about this because I just recently found out I am submissive to guy ( and hes a first time dominant too) I've been seeing a while and he considers me his submissive not as a girlfriend. His girlfriend knows about me and she has no problem with it but sometimes I think she likes to get me in trouble because she's said things that gets him mad at me. I feel like he doesn't know what he's doing because he'll tell me to do one thing then changes his mind to another. I want to know how a dominant is supposed to treat there submissive and does a submissive have to listen to girlfriend too when he gives orders. I really would like to know so I know what's right and what's wrong on how he should be treating me. I hope u can give me some information on this. I look forward to hearing from u.

Answer
Bree,

First off, let me say I am sorry for the delay in the response.. I had someone visiting me which I haven't seen since 02 and I didn't have alot of time to do everything I needed to do.

With that being said, to your question.

No his gf has no say in what you do or don't do unless you consented to it from the start. If you are getting into trouble by this girl, you need to rethink your submission to this boy. What you need to remember is that a healthy D/s relationship is built on trust, and if you can not trust him then I would say that relationship won't last and most of all is not healthy.

He should be willing to listen to you as you explain to him what his gf is doing between the two of you. You said she has no problems with you being his, although if she is trying to get you into trouble all the time, chances are she actually had huge issues with it, but doesn't want to lose him, so instead she said she doesn't care, and will do what is needed to break you two up so she can have him to herself.

Now mind you, since he is new to all this as well, he has the right to change his mind to something else later, but he should at least give you a reason to why he is changing his mind if it is a big change.

If I were you I would write down everything she does and says when he is not around, and show him these notes, and if he keeps getting upset with you or keep changing his mind after being with her alone you will know he is not actually the one in control in that relationship.

You are his submissive and not hers. If he tells you to listen to her, then you need to decide if you wish to belong to the both of them or if you need to walk away. Although no matter what you decide, you need to remember communication is one of the main keys to any relationship, and this includes vanilla as well. If he can't control his gf in the relationship how can he control you?

Just cause you are submissive, does not mean you can be used or walked on. Yes there will be times you will be punished or disciplined for something, but if it is being caused by someone other then your own lack of understanding the order, then it isn't D/s and boarder on abuse. From what I understand I am thinking he is looking for excuses to punish when in reality he doesn't need a reason and most certainly doesn't need her to make up reasons for you to fail.

if you can afford it, I would suggest you buy the books I have listed below along with the web pages you can look over free of charge.. If you haven't already I would also suggest you sign up with Fetlife, and search out others in your area, and talk to the more experienced, and learn more and more about the lifestyle and what is considered red flags in a relationship, cause I honesty see a few of them in what you are going through..

The Compleat Slave: Creating And Living An Erotic Dominant/submissive Lifestyle  by Jack Rinella and Joseph W. Bean

Screw the roses, send me the thorns

SM 101: A Realistic Introduction by Jay Wiseman

Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission

The Master's Manual: A Handbook of Erotic Dominance

Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission by William Brame and Gloria Brame

Training With Miss Abernathy: A Workbook for Erotic Slaves and Their Owners by Christina Abernathy

I want to offer you some sites which you may also find alot of useful information

http://www.gloriabrame.com/

http://bestslavetraining.com/slave-training-manual/slave-training-principles/beh

http://www.leathernroses.com/lnrhome.htm

http://www.asubmissivesinitiative.com/



I wish you luck and hope you can figure out what you need in your life.

Lady Aryana

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Lady Aryana

Expertise

Fem Dom relationships, Male Dom/fem slave, Master/slave relationships M/f, F/f, Long Distance relationships, Leather community, Victorian Lifestyle, BDSM play, Community support, Full time slavery and submission *living together, and how to adjust, protocols, and so forth. Web pages and site for help with finding others in your area. HOH or DD relationships. D/s has always been a part of me I am still active in looking for a relationship either D/s or Mistress/slave, or simply learning more in order to help others. I am always reading, either on the net or books.

Experience

I have been in long distance relationship that were D/s relationships. I have owned both male and female slaves/submissive, I have been both a real time slave, submissive, and submissive wife. I am not in a committed relationship at the moment. I just moved to Indina with in the last year. I can be found on Fetlife.com as LadyAryana. I am not collared, and I still am always on the look for others to play with around me. Slowing I am returning to being active in the community here in Indiana. In the past I have been active in the BDSM community and a DM for play parties. I have been active for the last 20+ yrs in BDSM in one way or another

Organizations
I was active in the GA community when I lived there. I am semi active in Indiana since moving here, I attend munches and demo's / play parties GRALE, Belong to PEP, and other BDSM clubs over the yrs.

Publications
Egroups, Blogs, Journals, And some story writings.

Education/Credentials
Have taken work shops for different BDSM events. Attended SELF given demo's, Been a DM for play parties and private and public clubs. Attending gathering of both D/s, Spanking lifestyles. I have been active in HOH and DD relationships. I was active in the leather community while living in GA. I was trained Victorian and and Gorean, I understand that training varies in each relationship so you adjust to what it is you do for the relationship you are in. I have trained both Master's and Mistress' along with slaves in the yrs I have been in BDSM.

Past/Present Clients
Master, slave, submissive, Tops, and Bottoms. Along with those who simply wanted to learn how to be kinky in the bedroom

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