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Question
So my girlfriend and I of quite some time now though still unfortunately long distance( we are working on this) Have found great interest in the bdsm world.  Not so much being a part of a community but just what we want to do with eachother. She is pretty submissive and wants me as her Master. In fact, we intend to be married someday and find the Collaring Ceremony to be much more interesting then any normal thing, though we'd have the ceremony privately. But anyways, i digress, i never thought in the past that I could be interested in an M/s relationship,(Im not a power hungry person but am definately not submissive at all) but since being with her have found it to be quite a turn on though I dont intend to be truly harsh with it. I would just like some general advice about what I should do to prepare our first in-person scene. Ive been reading as much as I can find, I know and understand the need for safety and I just truly want to make this aspect of our relationship amazing. especially since it will be the first for both of us. Im looking into ideas for training her and definately want to come up with a plan for the first scene we do.  We also have a daddy/little girl dynamic when we get sexual with eachother and I know this will come into play in just about any sexual anything we do regardless of if its vanilla or part of the M/s dynamic. Any advice, suggestions and insight  you can give me will be greatly appreciated!

Answer
I'm going to start on a tangent: take time to discover what it is you're looking to build. Are you looking for a power-based relationship where you both agree you hold the authority and control over her and all aspects of the relationship, or are you talking about occassional kinky bedroom antics. Your question has elements of both - and both can be great - but they aren't the same thing. M/s couples deal with work, kids, rent, groceries -- all within the structure of a consensual power imbalance. For many, BDSM plays a very small role.

I point this out only because things will go best if the two of you start with a common vision and language.

Now onto your main question about your first scene......I know that you both have pent up demand and expectations. My best advice is to try and throttle back. I say that for several reasons. First, if your first scene is a five-star suspend from the ceiling flogapalooza, where do you go from there? Second, as a first time, you're treading on new territory. Chances are it will all go great. But you don't really know how either of you will react. Next, many activities require practice and training. Finally, a little secret: it's often best to give them less than they expect or want...and keep them hungering for more!

Im not a believer in a detailed script. Better to have some general thoughts.  Here are some ideas to consider: have her strip for you and inspect her, telling her how each part of her body is yours; caress her while whispering in her ear the diabolical things you intend; have her in an exposed and vulnerable position - perhaps bent over a chair with legs spread- and spank her ass )spanking is a great first experience, since you can easily control it nd feel exactly what the impact is; scratching, pinching are Lso great activities. Engage her mind as much as her body and........enjoy. Remember that it's suppose to be pleasurable .  

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Ben Martin

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Questions related to power-based relationships in which decision-making authority is intentionally and consensually transferred -- and the resulting imbalance celebrated. I am able to assist those trying to understand where they fit in, and those seeking to structure and thrive in a power based relationships. Specific topics I am able to discuss include: setting and achieving personal and relationship goals, responsible Mastery, the use of protocols and rituals, communication techniques, and conflict resolution. In addition, I am knowledgable and experienced in polyamory, long-distance relationships, bisexuality and a variety of kinky activities ranging from mind games to sadistic play.

Experience

I have chosen to have a power-based structure in my relationships over the past 18 years. This has included a 16-year M/s relationship, several shorter term D/s relationships and various play partners. I am an active participant in various online forums and seek to provide support and advice to those interested in the Lifestyle.

Organizations
Black Rose

Publications
My writings, insights and discussion contributions are available on Alt.com and FetLife.com. On both websites, my user name is BenMartin

Education/Credentials
I do not hold any credentials specific to BDSM, relying instead on knowledge gained from life experiences, reading and conversing with others in the Lifestyle.

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