BDSM/Newbie

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Question
I am new to the scene and looking for some advice.
I have created a profile on Fetlife. I am looking to see about a possible mentor or get into some kind of apprenticeship and I would greatly appreciate some input on what qualifications I should be looking for in this person.
Some questions:
What methods, techniques or path did you use to better control, recognize and adapt concerning your emotions? Did this come naturally or did you learn for experience and study?

Thank you

Answer
Chris -

It's good that you have a desire to learn and grow.

Your question on emotions was unclear. Do you feel like sometimes you act too emotional or rash or volatile? If so, I agree you need to get that under control. But the techniques are not unique to the lifestyle - and may require professional help. If instead what you meant is how to project a "persona," it's a common question. While there are communication techniques (the control book is one option) and i see value on learning to commumicate clearly amd listen well, my best advice is to be yourself. Don't try and put on an ill-fitting suit.

As to a mentor, I would encourage you to just get out in your local community. If there's a skill you want to learn, find someone accomplished and ask for pointers. Same goes with relationship skills. FetLife can also be helpful to bounce ideas or learn from the thoughts of others. On both cases, remember that just because someone has strong views doesn't mean it's right - or right for you

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Ben Martin

Expertise

Questions related to power-based relationships in which decision-making authority is intentionally and consensually transferred -- and the resulting imbalance celebrated. I am able to assist those trying to understand where they fit in, and those seeking to structure and thrive in a power based relationships. Specific topics I am able to discuss include: setting and achieving personal and relationship goals, responsible Mastery, the use of protocols and rituals, communication techniques, and conflict resolution. In addition, I am knowledgable and experienced in polyamory, long-distance relationships, bisexuality and a variety of kinky activities ranging from mind games to sadistic play.

Experience

I have chosen to have a power-based structure in my relationships over the past 18 years. This has included a 16-year M/s relationship, several shorter term D/s relationships and various play partners. I am an active participant in various online forums and seek to provide support and advice to those interested in the Lifestyle.

Organizations
Black Rose

Publications
My writings, insights and discussion contributions are available on Alt.com and FetLife.com. On both websites, my user name is BenMartin

Education/Credentials
I do not hold any credentials specific to BDSM, relying instead on knowledge gained from life experiences, reading and conversing with others in the Lifestyle.

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