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BDSM/Am I a sadist or just twisted?

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Question
Dear Aramock,

I have a question pertaining to my own feelings.  I have always been a relatively soft heart person, sometimes even submissive.  But I find there are many aspect of bdsm I enjoy executed by Doms mainly, such as tease and denial, mild humiliation. I particularly enjoy the submission of strong, dominant men.  

However, there are some things which I enjoy that I don't quite know if it has a place in the bdsm lifestyle.  I become extremely aroused when my partners emotions are in conflict, a mixture between guilt, jealousy and wanton lust. I have a possessive nature where I hate to share what belongs to me.  Those who cheat I never keep.  Yet, I have often spun webs where I lure my partners to cheat on me.  It greatly arouses me to deny them when they are groveling for forgiveness, to make them jealous and angry by showering others with affection and subject the more adamant ones to punishments they are willing to endure to return themselves to my favour only to cast them aside at the end.  

I am not toying with their feelings and emotions out of spite or just for fun. Rather I find it truly sexually arousing. I find because of this I don't engage any real emotions in the relationships I have.  Am I a sadist or am I just twisted?

Answer
I expect much of this has to do with your personality, and your handle is reflective of that.  I seriously doubt you are a sadist in the traditional sense of the word.  It is more like emotional and mental damage, along with humiliations.  I expect your arousal peaks with this simply as a sense of the control it gives you over the person; and while not a psychologist invokes a sociopathic traits.  I would not be surprised also if you are quite narcissistic.  Your twisting of people appears totally without any aspect or understanding of any value to them. So I would say you are both and neither.  Obvious you have a twisted nature, and a socially/mentally sadistic.  But then your actions could easily be found in numerous vanilla existences. Nor will I moralize if it is right or wrong; just that it is what it is.  

There are going to be individuals who will know or learn your nature and want to change it many of them "victims" of your machinations others thinking to break the cycle.  Good luck to them because I believe they are all doomed to fail.  I also think a number of people will seek this out, simply because their own needs for humiliation and denial will compel them to fail; and it will be easier to achieve that goal with you than someone who is forgiving. So (I hate to say it) but you serve a purpose.  I expect the very young and very pathetic will stray to you as a way to force this situation with you.

So how you judge yourself is really all that is important because others like me will NOT make that call for you.

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Aramock Nanuck

Expertise

I will answer any questions concern the lifestyle and may annoy a few because I do dive into the history and psychology of this lifestyle in many of my answers. I have a partner a Femdom Mistress who shares my experiences and assets, as I hers. Also belonging to a couple groups in Europa and Asia. Traveling frequently between the continents. We tend to share information and discuss many of the topics frequently. I will focus on the core items around, training and relationship management for those that are interested.

Experience

I have been involved in the lifestyle since being introduced to it by my father at the age of 13. He was a master in the 50's to 80's but predated the popularity of Gor, and was Pharaonic in nature. I owned my own slaves since my early 20's. I have usually been part of a poly household. For about 6 years three of us ran a BDSM club in Prague until it was "acquired" by the Russian "businessmen". I do not hold any moral taboos about this lifestyle and at one time or another have experience or seen everything imaginable. It is in this absence of mrals that principles, protocols and personal honour must determine the worth of an individual. It is their clear and unwavering adherence to these ethics that make for stauncher things than those which some observance by mere lip service to common morals. When men/women of honour lead, then they do so without malice, without negativity and without thought of personal gain. It only then that they truly attain Dominon over others. Therefore in mastery comes a devotion to duty, and the existence, needs and desires of others that exceeds the submission mere slaves give to the Dominant. A Dominant one must lead, govern, educate and enrich the lives of subjects beign ruled... for otherwise they are but a sycophant and a tyrant. Hedonism and narcissism plays no part in this, it is an apparition that forms from acts done at much higher levels of meaning that mere morally bound persons can not see.

Organizations
I belong to a number of local clubs, and a loose association (not formal) of about 25 masters and mistresses here in Western Europe and Asia who share experiences, training and some exchange trade assets.

Publications
I have not published on BDSM under my name, but contribute frequently to forums. I am consolidating my writings slowly on DarkCastleSin.org for any that are interested in reading.

Education/Credentials
Not relevant although I do have a DCS and DT but I am not Christian so have no moral dilemmas with this lifestyle.

Awards and Honors
Not applicable here, come on in our lifestyle these do not exist but should. When was the last time we had public awards for Worlds Darkest Sadist, World's Most Gifted Shibaru Artist, Worlds Most Diligent Mentor, World's Most Gifted Enthusiast,

Past/Present Clients
Not relevant; private consults remain so.

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