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Question
Hello. Ive been with my fiancÚ for 10 years and I've always been interested in bdsm. Ive talked to him about it (which was hard because I'm very shy) and he acts like he's into it but it never goes anywhere. Im getting really frustrated because he knows what i want but wont do it. Ive even tried being dominant with him to show him how it feels, which he thought was sexy, but he wont return it. I don't want to lose him but in the bottom of my heart i feel that this is a deal breaker.  I don't know what to do. Do you have any advice on how to get him interested in it?  Or any advice, really, because I'm at a loss. How can i marry him if KNOW hell never give me what i want?
Thanks

Answer
Lena,

I would say if you have already talked to him about it, you need to be honest with him now and tell him without BDSM either from him, or from someone outside the relationship.. I know some who can have two different relationships.. One for the vanilla side, and the other D/s.

As for advice to get him interested I am sorry there isn't much you can do if he truly has no desires.. He might be to submissive to be your Dom. So unless your willing to give up being the submissive in the relationship and be his Mistress, you might have to consider ending the relationship.

One thing I have to ask though, how did you manage to stay together so long if you are in such a need for D/s?

So for starters I would sit down and write out everything you want in any relationship, the pros and cons. Second, ask him to do the same thing. what do you each need or want in a relationship, and compare then to each other.. Once you have the list, you can talk about how you can go about meeting each others needs/desires/wants.

If you can not agree on how you can get these things met I would suggest you really be honest with yourself *and him* and move on and remain friends..

Good Luck

Lady Aryana

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Lady Aryana

Expertise

Fem Dom relationships, Male Dom/fem slave, Master/slave relationships M/f, F/f, Long Distance relationships, Leather community, Victorian Lifestyle, BDSM play, Community support, Full time slavery and submission *living together, and how to adjust, protocols, and so forth. Web pages and site for help with finding others in your area. HOH or DD relationships. D/s has always been a part of me I am still active in looking for a relationship either D/s or Mistress/slave, or simply learning more in order to help others. I am always reading, either on the net or books.

Experience

I have been in long distance relationship that were D/s relationships. I have owned both male and female slaves/submissive, I have been both a real time slave, submissive, and submissive wife. I am not in a committed relationship at the moment. I just moved to Indina with in the last year. I can be found on Fetlife.com as LadyAryana. I am not collared, and I still am always on the look for others to play with around me. Slowing I am returning to being active in the community here in Indiana. In the past I have been active in the BDSM community and a DM for play parties. I have been active for the last 20+ yrs in BDSM in one way or another

Organizations
I was active in the GA community when I lived there. I am semi active in Indiana since moving here, I attend munches and demo's / play parties GRALE, Belong to PEP, and other BDSM clubs over the yrs.

Publications
Egroups, Blogs, Journals, And some story writings.

Education/Credentials
Have taken work shops for different BDSM events. Attended SELF given demo's, Been a DM for play parties and private and public clubs. Attending gathering of both D/s, Spanking lifestyles. I have been active in HOH and DD relationships. I was active in the leather community while living in GA. I was trained Victorian and and Gorean, I understand that training varies in each relationship so you adjust to what it is you do for the relationship you are in. I have trained both Master's and Mistress' along with slaves in the yrs I have been in BDSM.

Past/Present Clients
Master, slave, submissive, Tops, and Bottoms. Along with those who simply wanted to learn how to be kinky in the bedroom

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