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BDSM/Emotional boundaries

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QUESTION: I am a submissive female that is currently with a new Dominant. My Dom and I have previously talked about where the boundaries are in our intimate relationship as well as other aspects.
When the topic of debating/asking for something, my Dom said "My word is law"  and not to press the topic. A big issue was emotional ties, since my Dom loves another woman that does not want to be with him.
We both clearly understand that we are not together to fall in love, nor are we lovers or boyfriend-girlfriend. We are Dom and sub, and friends outside of the bedroom setting. What shocked me is when he said, "As a Dom to his sub, I do love you." and asked me if I loved him as well.
I understand that a dom/sub love is different than a boyfriend/girlfriend love but I feel as though its turning into the latter. How do I ask him about the emotional boundaries again if he views asking questions a second time as aggravating, and is sensitive to anything concerning the other woman?
I greatly appreciate any help you may offer.

ANSWER: Sally - I'm not a fan of shutting down questions. For me, there is a difference between I make the final decision and I expect you to obey and support it, and I don't want your input and never ask for additional information.

You're right in the middle of the dilemma this approach creates. If you don't ask questions, you risk stepping on a landmine and exposing yourself. If you do ask questio a you're acting counter to his directive.

I suggest you present the dilemma to him and let him decide. Don't demand more information. Simply say: I want to answer your question about love. But in order to give you a complete and accurate answer I feel I have some questions I need to ask. But I know you don't like when I question you. I need your direction on how to proceed so I can best serve you.

As an aside, there is no "right" answer on love within a D/s relationship. Some are "in love;" others have a love that could be described as care and respect; and some see it akin to employer/employee without emotional bond.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thank you for the advice.
I have another issue I would greatly appreciate advice for. My dom is very experienced, and has been in the BDSM world longer than I have. He has trained several women that wished to be subs, but has never had a sub that has had the previous experience I have.
I would like to start more intense BDSM with him, instead of the "introductory course" he usually does with new subs. I would like to start role playing, but since my past doms have been less than receptive to subs suggesting ideas, I am not sure how my dom will react to my input. How would I approach my Dom, seeing that he is very controlling when it comes to what we do in the bedroom situation?

Thank you again;
Sally.

Answer
As a backdrop, being submissive does not  mean you don't get to have your needs met. If it is a need, then you should be clear that it is something,  within boundaries, you have to have.

Now I'm not suggesting a type of kinky play is a need. It mane a want. Of so, it isn't non-negotiable. But that doesn't mean you have to discard it. The key in my book is how you approach it. There's a big difference between "let's do super hero sex tonight" and "super hero sex is so ething I enjoy. I was wondering of we might explore at some point if its something that would please you?"  

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Ben Martin

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Questions related to power-based relationships in which decision-making authority is intentionally and consensually transferred -- and the resulting imbalance celebrated. I am able to assist those trying to understand where they fit in, and those seeking to structure and thrive in a power based relationships. Specific topics I am able to discuss include: setting and achieving personal and relationship goals, responsible Mastery, the use of protocols and rituals, communication techniques, and conflict resolution. In addition, I am knowledgable and experienced in polyamory, long-distance relationships, bisexuality and a variety of kinky activities ranging from mind games to sadistic play.

Experience

I have chosen to have a power-based structure in my relationships over the past 18 years. This has included a 16-year M/s relationship, several shorter term D/s relationships and various play partners. I am an active participant in various online forums and seek to provide support and advice to those interested in the Lifestyle.

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Black Rose

Publications
My writings, insights and discussion contributions are available on Alt.com and FetLife.com. On both websites, my user name is BenMartin

Education/Credentials
I do not hold any credentials specific to BDSM, relying instead on knowledge gained from life experiences, reading and conversing with others in the Lifestyle.

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