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BDSM/Emotional boundaries

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MasterWolf_ncs_lilbrat wrote at 2013-07-26 01:27:18
my Master expects me to write daily journals.  At first (probably because i'd never done it before and was terrified of the idea) He only expected me to write a summary of the things He'd taught me about the Lifestyle that day.  Now i write under many headings and including everything from what i have eaten and drunk to my thoughts on the Lifestyle, my relationship with Him, my personal life, and my spiritual life.



my point is that if you write journals, maybe you could journal about some of your conflicts.  He had to enact a Rule that i was not allowed to use my journal as a substitute for admitting guilt over an infraction, and He told me that while i am allowed to journal questions, He will not answer them unless i ask Him directly.  i imagine this is to keep me from using my journal as a way around going through Him...to manipulate communication.



And i am not suggesting that you try to manipulate any communication.  What i am saying though is that i have found it helpful to talk about my conflicts...not just so that my Master will see them and feel sorry for me or whatever, but for two reasons:

1) i have an obligation to make Him aware of my emotional/mental state (He cannot train me or care for me the way He wants and has agreed to if He does not know what's going on within me)

2) i can look back and read past conflicts...i can follow up with reading what happened afterwards...to see how much i have grown, and to realize the things i have overcome with His help



Sometimes just writing out my conflicts helps me to find a new perspective.  Sometimes He will comment on something if He thinks i am seeing it from the wrong vantage point.  His Perspective is invaluable to me.  



i don't use my journal to force conversations, but sometimes it serves as a starting point...and i feel relieved that before a conversation even starts, at least He knows where i am coming from.  And if He shuts down something after that, then i am happy knowing that He knew all the facts.  i have fulfilled my obligation to let Him know.  But sometimes what i have written has changed His Perspective or made possible a mutual understanding that i doubt would have occurred otherwise.



Good luck with your Dom, and i apologize if this was irrelevant to your situation.


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Ben Martin

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Questions related to power-based relationships in which decision-making authority is intentionally and consensually transferred -- and the resulting imbalance celebrated. I am able to assist those trying to understand where they fit in, and those seeking to structure and thrive in a power based relationships. Specific topics I am able to discuss include: setting and achieving personal and relationship goals, responsible Mastery, the use of protocols and rituals, communication techniques, and conflict resolution. In addition, I am knowledgable and experienced in polyamory, long-distance relationships, bisexuality and a variety of kinky activities ranging from mind games to sadistic play.

Experience

I have chosen to have a power-based structure in my relationships over the past 18 years. This has included a 16-year M/s relationship, several shorter term D/s relationships and various play partners. I am an active participant in various online forums and seek to provide support and advice to those interested in the Lifestyle.

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Black Rose

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My writings, insights and discussion contributions are available on Alt.com and FetLife.com. On both websites, my user name is BenMartin

Education/Credentials
I do not hold any credentials specific to BDSM, relying instead on knowledge gained from life experiences, reading and conversing with others in the Lifestyle.

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