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Question
I am a true 24/7 sub and have been for 23 years...my best self when serving collared committed and owned...When am not lost...not good at all when left to own devices, but can't play with strangers just for the sake of playing either...need master that truly understands that.. beginning to question myself and whether other masters like Robert still exist...he died about 1 and 1/2 years ago...I know he'd want my happiness and am ready...been actively looking for about 5 months. however, most I've meet or dealt with are either wanna bees and have no clue, or think I should be grateful and accepting of anything "because who else would want me? I. according to them, are either used goods or they are afraid to touch/hurt me because I am also disabled and have been since birth...I am very confidante and comfortable with who I am, what I want need and deserve...never been the problem...just lost without the structure of the lifestyle and don't know how else to find the right person other then what I am doing which hasn't worked so far...and in the meantime how, where or what do I channel that need to serve into?

please help one lost submissive
cindy

Answer
Hi Cindy - sorry I have been traveling

((((((((cindy))))))))

I am so sorry for the loss of your Master, when I have talked to my girl about this she has said "Daddy, I hope that I die before you so I don't have to be without you." That you find yourself in this position I am truly sorry.

You are not "damaged goods" and to those who would say you are - they will not be good for you. Those are the words that an abuser will use for control "No one will ever, because you are, only I ... " I sincerely believe that you do not need to be with people who seek to pull you down for the sole reason that it makes them feel bigger.

As for waana be's - look at the person and not what there level of experience is. Judge them as you would a friend; can them be considerate, do they show you respect, can you talk with them? These are all the characteristics of a fried, of someone you would like to spend time with. Are they willing to listen to your wants, needs, and when you are ready to talk about it, your desires? If so, then invest in them; allow them to learn from you, teach them what you want them to learn. If you feel that they may grow into being a Master, help them.

I am sure that at first it will feel like topping from the bottom - however you are training them and if they are not doing it by your standards, the gently correct them. Help them until they are able to lead; then you can be again what you desire - of service.

But for now, find the strength that you used to serve him; that strength remains within you. Let thoughts of how he would have guided you, guide you now. You honor his memory be becoming self-sufficient; for now at least until you can take the time to fins another.

Good Dom's and good masters exist, but sometimes we are the quiet ones who need encouragement.

Have you investigated Fetlife? Perhaps there are kinky events in your area that you an attend.

As for channeling service, you can serve a person, a group, or the community. Perhaps not even kink, but to serve is good.

Thank you for your question, I feel as if I have not answered it in the way that you may have wanted, I don't think there are any simple questions to "How do I find someone." While any port in a storm may work for a ship, I don't think that it is good practice for real people. Look for a friend, allow a partner to emerge.

Respectfully
BrianR  

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BrianR

Expertise

I will answer questions related to long term Master/slave relationships.

Experience

We have been married since 2007, and I collared her on November 1, 2008. My slave and I are married, monogamous, and committed to each other. My relationship with my slave is based on mutual love, respect, and frankly fun. Race Bannon has said "if you are not having fun then you are doing it wrong." We are having lots of fun so we must be doing something right! My slave is an intelligent (BS in Mathematics actually), and strong women who chooses to put her power into my service and, perhaps seemingly paradoxically as she is my submissive, my equal. She is my slave, my wife, my best friend, and my only lover. I respect her for her ability to submit and truly believe that it takes more strength to submit then to dominate. She follows, but not blindly.

Organizations
Masters and Slaves Together - Marysville (Washington) (founding director) MAsT International - Assistant Northwest Regional Representative 2015, Regional Representtive 2016 BDSM Writers Workshop (April 2016) http://bdsmwriterscon.com/

Publications
My essays are on Fetlife under BrianR (https://fetlife.com/users/9389/posts)

Education/Credentials
Engineer (however this probably should be under the category "barriers your slave has overcome")

Awards and Honors
With my lovely slave we were Northwest Master and slave 2013

Past/Present Clients
With my slave I have presented at national and international events since 2013. While we enjoy presenting at national events, we find more satisfaction in talking with small groups from Boise ID to Singapore and Hong Kong. Our list of classes is available at

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