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Question
I met someone, online, also in the lifestyle. We started our relationship as friends, but as we grew to get to know each other, we seriously started talking about starting a more M/s relationship, me being the slave. We're working on getting to see each other and such, but my question is more about sub space. It's a very obscure topic, and what I've experienced doesn't seem to add up. I've done online scenes before. I enjoy them. I'm doing things to myself, under the direction of the top. This requires a lot of trust, and I actually enjoy it. I've noticed though, that after a particularly involved scene, and even sometimes after simple ones, I cry. I don't even have a reason to cry. I don't feel SAD, but I do feel overwhelmed. My partners are always still there, and we talk. This has always happened over REALLY involved scenes, with ice, clothespins, belts, etc. This happened just the other night though, after a scene where the only 'intense' bits were where I had a gag. That was it, and I was still shook up. I enjoy the feeling, but I wish I could understand it. Do you have any idea or advice for what this is, and how to understand it?

Answer
Hi, Elizabeth, thanks for writing...

D/s scenes end in one of three ways:

1) Blah -- nothing happened.  The Top didn't "connect" with the bottom; the Top didn't have the skills to send the bottom on a "ride", there were other distractions near your scene, etc.

2) You get an endorphin release and are "flying" -- in "subspace"

3) You get a "cathartic emotional release" and you cry.


Many SM activities (sado-masochistic) can be done in such a way as to purposefully result in either result 2 or 3.  But, it takes an experienced Top to be able to choose which result it will be.

I'm just coming out with a new book called: "Exploring the Magical World of BDSM: An easy guide to play, parties, and kinky relationships".  If you want me to send you an announcement when it comes out, please send me a note.  PowerExchangeEditor@yahoo.com  It goes into great detail answering your "what in the world is this, really" questions.

Bob

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Robert Rubel (Dr. Bob)

Expertise

Anything related to BDSM or Master/slave relationships or activities.

Experience

See: www.KinkMastery.com I live 24/7 Master/slave lifestyle and have since 2002 both as Master and slave. My Owner and I present and do "weekend intensives" internationally and at BDSM conferences practically every month.

Organizations
Masters And slaves Together (MAsT) National Leather Association - International (NLA-I) National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF)

Publications
+++ BDSM Mastery—Basics: your guide to play, parties, and scene protocols. +++ BDSM Mastery—Relationships: a guide for creating mindful relationships for Dominants and submissives +++ Master/slave Mastery: Updated handbook of concepts, approaches, and practices +++ Master/slave Mastery--Advanced: Refining the fire; ideas that matter +++ Master/slave Mastery--Protocols: Focusing the intent of your relationship +++ Is THAT What They Meant? A book of practical communication insights

Education/Credentials
PhD, Urban Education Policy Studies with a minor in criminology, U of Wisconsin, Madison. EdM, Boston University with specialty in urban education Presented 80+ BDSM weekend conferences worldwide since 2007.

Awards and Honors
Pantheon of Leather Community Choice - Man, 2008

Past/Present Clients
Not applicable.

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