From long I was a slave to my master. But now he doesn't want me. But I want to serve him. What should I do to gain the respect back. My mistake was to keep a boyfriend without telling him. I got punished for that. But now I need him to own me. What should I do.
Please give detail explanation.
Such a sad question you ask of me - many years ago I was not faithful to my wife and now, some 30 years later, I still carry with me my judgments of myself.
There are, I have found for me, four things which must occur: Confession, repentance, forgiveness from those we wronged, and also forgiveness of ourselves.
If you have been punished, then you must have confessed. But was your confession true? Without hiding even your own embarrassment at what you have done? I think confession must come from the heart, without interference from the head. If we think "oh this will hurt them so I will not say this" that can be perceived as telling an untruth, lying, even then it is not meant that way.
also must come from the heart. Must be true, must be truthful. My first wife caught me having an affair, with much tears I confess; but protected myself in the manner in which I did so. I repented, with sincerity, heart felt; but that did not stop me from doing it again. She accepted my confession, accepted my repentance, forgave me, but in the end she is now my ex-wife. She decided, for whatever reason, she would trust me; but in the end I was not worthy of her trust.
Forgiveness from the other.
This must come from their
heart, it cannot come from yours. It is a great risk, for them, forgiveness. "Why should I trust you when I know you have lied before?" When I divorced my first wife to marry the women which which I had my last affair, Karma followed me, and the seeds grew bitter fruit. I tried, hard, I never cheated on her, not once in 13 years; "Why should I trust you when I know you have lied before?" I did not have to wait for another lifetime to have my karma almost destroy my life. The guilt of what I had done to my first wife, who was undeserving of my actions, combined with the lack of forgiveness from my second wife (understandable of course but only in retrospect as I felt "If I love here enough she will come to trust me.") Those were burdens which came close to burying me.
<b?Forgiveness from ourselves</b> I spent many years practicing meditation before I could confront myself, see my weakness, see my emotional immaturity, and finally reach a point where the trust that my slave places in me is the most important think that I have in my life. I cannot undo the hurt that I caused my first wife; but I can learn from that. I cannot undo the hurt which I did to myself in my second marriage, but I can learn from that. Bitter lessons for sure but I now serve our relation as she serves me. As she serves me with grace, humility, joy, happiness, so to do I serve our relationship. The first line in our Mission/Vision statement is "Our Relationship Comes First." I will defend our relationship against all, even if that threat comes from myself.
I was ready for this change with my second wife, but she could never forgive me. Without trust, even a vanilla relationship will fail; without trust a M/s relationship has almost no possibility of succeeding.
You can confess, you can repent, but if they cannot forgive then trust can never again bless your relationship. And even if they do forgive, then you must forgive yourself and in doing so be worthy of the trust that they have again given to you.
You must talk with him honestly, if he says "no, I will not, cannot do this with you again" then with a heavy heart you must agree to his final command - you can no longer be a part of his life; and the heavy, sad, task of forgiving yourself must continue. It is hard to be honest with others, harder to be honest with yourself. You know what I mean when you wake in the darkness and you are talking to you about you. There you cannot hide, cannot run away.
But you can change, you can learn from this hard and bitter lesson. Only you know why you did what you did, only you can find forgiveness for yourself; when you have forgiven yourself then I hope a new Master will come into your life. The relationship that I am in now is the most wonderful I have ever know. Early on she asked about me and I decided to be truthful with her, to tell her of my unsuccessful past and through this confession and repentance, she forgave me for my past; and with her forgiveness we have created a joyful present. I know who I am, what I have done, the consequences of what I have done, a past which she was no part of but a past which is a part of me. She knows I work hard at being trustworthy; when you are ready, please work hard as well - the benefits are wonderful.
May you be well in your journey; may forgiveness come and caress you like a warm breeze and bring joy and peace to your heart