You are here:

BDSM/Beginning a femdom relationship

Advertisement


Question
I am a 24 year old man living in India. I have recently been dating a young widow a few years older than me. She is a naturally dominant woman and she wants me to be totally submissive towards her after we marry. We love each other a lot but I am a bit worried about what this submission entails. She says it will not be a sex fantasy but simply a lifestyle where she makes all the decisions and I submit to her authority. I have agreed on some of her demands like taking her last name after marriage and giving up control of my orgasms. The part that I am apprehensive about is that she wants to physically punish me at least once a week. She has promised me that the punishment will not be due to some wrong doing on my part but purely a sort of maintenance discipline in order to reinforce her dominance over me. She will punish me for infractions by using other non physical methods like confinement,  removal of privileges etc. I am fine with that but physical pain really scares me. I have never been spanked or caned in my life so far and I have no idea how it feels or whether I will be able to bear it. Can you give me some advice on how I can bear pain more easily as a beginner. Also please advice me on how to be a good submissive husband to my wife. We are not currently living under the same roof and my mistress has not allowed me penetrative sex as yet. She says that she will do so only after we marry.

Thank You
Feerkhan

Answer
feerkhan,

If this is the type of relationship you crave, then marry your Dominant girlfriend. Definitely make sure you get along on a vanilla level before you agree to this life. If you decide you cannot handle the things that are involved in marrying this woman, reconsider marriage.

As for bearing pain, gently ask your future Wife to read many guides and manuals available on the internet for "erotic" spanking. Many people think that spanking and caning are something that have no build-up, just lots of thudding and slapping very hard on skin. That is not the case. Spanking starts off slowly and builds so your tolerance can build, and it becomes less of a painful experience and more of a pleasant experience.

Keep Me updated,
Madame Rax

BDSM

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


Madame Rax

Expertise

I am open and willing to answer any questions involving BDSM that do not specifically concern illegal acts involving children or non-consensual assault against an unwilling party.

Experience

I have had BDSM experience in a professional capacity since 2005. As far as personal, non-professional experience, I have always taken the lead in relationships, friendships, and other situational interactions. I prefer to "wear the pants" so to speak. However, this is not to say I wear the physical pants: I am mostly seen wearing skirts.

Organizations
National Coalition for Sexual Freedom

Publications
Excitedly, this will be my first foray into professional writing about BDSM, however my vanilla writings have appeared in several publications online. I am the former main web editor of a very popular DIY website, writing articles about electronics, repurposing, and sustainability.

Education/Credentials
I have participated in many educational workshops held by Pro-Dommes. I have also hosted a few workshops involving BDSM issues. I have done extensive research on D/s power dynamics and BDSM. As far as education, however, professional sessions and interactions with clients have provided most of my experience.

Past/Present Clients
I have a multitude of both. I specialize in clients with physical handicaps, rare kinks, edge play, LGBT lifestyles, and other underrepresented or marginalized groups.

©2016 About.com. All rights reserved.