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BDSM/Master wants another slave

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Question
So, in essence, this is nothing unusual.

However,I am not sure how I feel about this.

One the one hand, I want Him to be happy.

On the other, I am worried it will detract on how much attention I'm getting.

And then of course, there's that little voice in my head asking if Him wanting another means I am not enough.

How do I deal with this?

Answer
The main step is to be honest with yourself and honest with your Master.  What do you need, and can your needs be met?

I don't know if you two discussed (and agreed to) polyamory at the beginning of your relationship, or whether this is a new and unexpected development.  Regardless, at some point there needs to be:  (1) discussion of what it means, (2) exploration of boundaries, (3) feelings about all of it, and (4) a decision on the path forward.

I can give you the arguments in support of poly -- love isn't a finite resource; no one person can be another's "everything;" you should want his happiness - whether provided directly by you or given by another; we weren't meant to be monogamous; etc.

But not of that changes the fact that some people simply aren't wired that way.  Or that some people can't handle having less time with a Master/lover/whatever.

So, back to the discussion.  Here are a few things to think about (and please note that I'm not suggesting one approach is better than another -- but one may be better for you or your relationship):

1.  Do you want to interact with the new slave (even become friends, or lovers, or sisters, or?), or is it "don't ask don't tell"?

2.  Will you be part of the interview process, or will you be informed after he selects a new slave?

3.  Does he want a hierarchy of slaves (e.g., a primary or alpha), or will you be equals?

4.  Will both of you have the same amount of time with him, or different?

5.  Will you prefer similar functions/service, or different?

6.  How will conflicts be addressed and resolved?

the discussion should help answer questions for you, and those answers should help you decide (a) if you can do it, and (b) steps that will help you if you do go forward.

I'll also note that there are online and in-person groups for people that are poly -- which could be a helpful resource.

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Ben Martin

Expertise

Questions related to power-based relationships in which decision-making authority is intentionally and consensually transferred -- and the resulting imbalance celebrated. I am able to assist those trying to understand where they fit in, and those seeking to structure and thrive in a power based relationships. Specific topics I am able to discuss include: setting and achieving personal and relationship goals, responsible Mastery, the use of protocols and rituals, communication techniques, and conflict resolution. In addition, I am knowledgable and experienced in polyamory, long-distance relationships, bisexuality and a variety of kinky activities ranging from mind games to sadistic play.

Experience

I have chosen to have a power-based structure in my relationships over the past 18 years. This has included a 16-year M/s relationship, several shorter term D/s relationships and various play partners. I am an active participant in various online forums and seek to provide support and advice to those interested in the Lifestyle.

Organizations
Black Rose

Publications
My writings, insights and discussion contributions are available on Alt.com and FetLife.com. On both websites, my user name is BenMartin

Education/Credentials
I do not hold any credentials specific to BDSM, relying instead on knowledge gained from life experiences, reading and conversing with others in the Lifestyle.

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