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Me and my husband are in a D/s relationship. My husband wears a chastity belt full time now. It's been two months since we last had proper peno-vaginal sex. At first teasing and denying him was fun but gradually I have started missing traditional intercourse. It seems in fulfilling his fantasy of being put in a chastity belt I have had to forgo my own desires. He tries to satisfy me by using a strap on dildo but it is just not the same. The feeling of being fucked by a man slowly and languorously, having a man move inside you and then orgasm and ejaculate inside you is completely missing.

So I recently broached the idea of me taking a lover to my husband. At first he was against it but I gave him an ultimatum, either we could go back to normal peno-vaginal sex without chastity or if he wants to be kept in chastity then it is only fair for me to satisfy my desires elsewhere. He is also reluctant to reduce our chastity play to a few days of the week or a fixed time of the month. He wants it full time.

I have already picked out a man with whom to have sex. He is a friend of mine and he had asked me out a few times in the past. I don't like doing this, but I do have needs and I can't imagine a life of only tease and denial and no intercourse. I have told my husband that he can listen to us make love from inside the closet, so that he will not feel completely excluded from my sex life. Do you agree with what I am doing? Do you have a better option?

Answer
Hello Anagha,

I've read over your question carefully before I concluded that you already have the answer you seek.

In your own writing you admit that you "hate to do this".

My word of advice: Then don't!

If you're trying to force your husband to give up his fantasy of chastity by sleeping with another man, that is probably not the way. If you don't want to sleep with another man, why bring that up as an option?

In my opinion if this is truly a desire of hubby's then play it out however YOU'D like. I imagine he'll be grateful for whatever chastity time he receives no matter how little; a day or a week. Tough cookie if he "wants" fulltime. If you want to act as the role of the dominant then take charge. He'll do as you say WHEN you say and not any other way.

I understand the need/want for intercourse in a chastity based setting. I use tease, denial, and chastity as a build up and reward system for sex. Tell him if he stays in chastity for X amount of hours or days then he will receive a treat. This can be anything YOU want, namely sex. If you want to keep the role play going you can always be dominant during the act or "command" him to be the dominant one. Do whatever suits you the most but please don't go against your better judgement and intuition.  

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Natali Noir

Expertise

I can answer questions related to Mistresses/Dommes and their relationships with subs and slaves. I can answer questions about different fetishes, give advice, explain BDSM and dungeon etiquette or just explain overall BDSM practices and protocols as I've learned. I can also help with creative ideas related to kinky scenes, role-plays, punishments, or rewards.

Experience

I've been into BDSM for about 10 years and I've a Mistress for 8 years and have had my fair share of subs and slaves. I have experience with what it's like to be on both sides of the paddle.

Organizations
I'm part of the local TNG and Black Rose, and several FemDom groups. I also frequent the BDSM clubs and parties in the surrounding areas.

Publications
www.mundanetoms.blogspot.com

Education/Credentials
I have no educational credentials in this area, only years of firsthand experience and knowledge gained through reading, workshops, and listening to ideas from other individuals I deem more experienced in certain BDSM areas.

Awards and Honors
I write my own blog.

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