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Question
So I am completely new to the m/s. I am completely turned on my being dominated. I found a master. We are going to have our first session soon. I have never done anything bdsm wise before. Could you give me tips on how to be the perfect susubmissive gay slave for him please?

Answer
Hi Austin and thank you for a most thought provoking question.

Your Master is your Master and will have the final word on how you are to behave. I can offer suggestions on what you may expect, but he is your Master and not I. I speak from my own experiences as a het Leatherman's, your mileage may vary.

Having said that:

Tips:
SERVICE When you accepted him as your Master, you are accepting a position of (ideally) unconditional service to him. Simply put, you are his for his pleasure. This requires a great deal of trust on the part of the slave; almost unconditional trust. If you know your Master enough to give him this trust, then all will be well. If you have reservations, ask to speak about them with him.

DEMEANOR Always respectful! Your Master will define how you are to act around, and towards him and may also define how you are to act around other Masters or Dominants.. Your Master may choose to use a military form of speech; when asked a question the answer could be "Sir, yes Sir" or any other ritualized speech. He may always want to be referred to as Master, but at the very least, when in doubt, Sir.
It is common to require the slave to never look into the eyes of their Master (again this may be generalized to any Master or Dominant).

There (probably will be) a certain style of dress which your Master will require. Naked indoors for example. This is for the pleasure of the Master and also as a reminder of the status of the slave. Naked is vulnerable.

THE WORK Your Master will do to you what he wants. That is why he is the Master and you have given yourself to him.

Assuming he is experienced, then he will be capable of monitoring both his desires and your response to his actions. He may have a specific goal in mind as he takes you in hand, or he may simply be looking for his pleasure either way you have agreed to submit yourself to him completely and he will do as he will.

Something I don't like is an unresponsive bottom - with men who respond as if they were a side of beef - nothing. Frankly I don't find these types of bottom very satisfactory because I want a reaction and if I don't get one I'm just going to go harder until either they or I call it quits. Being stoic beyond reason means that you are not providing feedback to your Master. Caution - show too much and well that's not at all pleasant either. As a top, I expect my bottoms to have some level of pain tolerance  otherwise why are we doing it? But on the other hand as one move beyond warm up into the middle some reaction, even if muted, means that you are receiving and processing what is being done to you.

You will have limits. As you get experienced, these limits will move, shift, what was barely tolerable becomes first tolerable than anticipated. Allow yourself to show some reaction - but also be aware of your Masters response to your reaction. Getting into the mind set of "I'll show him I can take whatever he can give and not show any pain!" just make for a very unpleasant session for both. When I hit hard, I like seeing the reaction, the back arching, the escape of breath, the eyes closed as pain is processed, absorbed, accepted. If I don't get that feedback I don't get any satisfaction.

COLLAR There are levels of collars, but all collars are given and taken by the Master at their sole discretion.

Whatever collar he chooses to put on you, while you are wearing his collar you represent him in all your actions. Do what he wants, when he wants, in the way he wants and you show respect for him and his collar.

To some Masters, a collar is given as a sign of trust after some time of getting to know the one on whom they put their collar. A temporary collar may be for a night or a weekend, a collar of consideration longer, and a collar of consideration even longer. But likewise the progress of trust in the slave is also growing over time. It is not uncommon for the final collar to be for life after years of being in some form of M/s relationship. Asking for a collar is not good form, begging for one even less. At some point your Master may decide that something beyond a play collar is appropriate and they may require you to write a petition to receive their collar. Not going to happen on the first night, or the second. Learn how to be a good slave, learn to be the slave he expects; perhaps a collar may come from that.

What's In YOUR HEAD  During the session, your body will react by producing endorphin's (repeated trauma AKA runners high) or adrenalin (sudden trauma). How your Master develops the session will depend on where you go, but in all cases you are there to provide service to your Master. Your battle, in your head, will be to remind yourself that you are there for his pleasure, not yours. There is pride in taking what is given, there is wisdom in providing feedback as you approach your limits.

Something to keep in mind, as a gay Master he probably has been where you have been. He also walked through the door for a first time, got on the rack for the first time, felt the taste of floggers, rope, whips, fingers, hands for the first time. As he sees the apprehension, or even fear in your eyes, he remembers; by providing service to him you honor his journey and the ones who had him for the first time.

Regards
Brian
Northwest Master 2013
Proud member of Bridgetown Leathermen  

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BrianR

Expertise

I will answer questions related to long term Master/slave relationships.

Experience

We have been married since 2007, and I collared her on November 1, 2008. My slave and I are married, monogamous, and committed to each other. My relationship with my slave is based on mutual love, respect, and frankly fun. Race Bannon has said "if you are not having fun then you are doing it wrong." We are having lots of fun so we must be doing something right! My slave is an intelligent (BS in Mathematics actually), and strong women who chooses to put her power into my service and, perhaps seemingly paradoxically as she is my submissive, my equal. She is my slave, my wife, my best friend, and my only lover. I respect her for her ability to submit and truly believe that it takes more strength to submit then to dominate. She follows, but not blindly.

Organizations
Masters and Slaves Together - Marysville (Washington) (founding director) MAsT International - Assistant Northwest Regional Representative 2015, Regional Representtive 2016 BDSM Writers Workshop (April 2016) http://bdsmwriterscon.com/

Publications
My essays are on Fetlife under BrianR (https://fetlife.com/users/9389/posts)

Education/Credentials
Engineer (however this probably should be under the category "barriers your slave has overcome")

Awards and Honors
With my lovely slave we were Northwest Master and slave 2013

Past/Present Clients
With my slave I have presented at national and international events since 2013. While we enjoy presenting at national events, we find more satisfaction in talking with small groups from Boise ID to Singapore and Hong Kong. Our list of classes is available at

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