You are here:

BDSM/curious newbie

Advertisement


Question
I'm a 22 year old female sub and my girlfriend is a domme  and we've been conversing about it and I'd like to submit to her fully.  She's asked me to name her and being that this is my first time ever submitting to anyone I was wondering if you could shed some light on what would be appropriate to call her

Answer
Hi Lorraine

Nothing bratty! :)

As you identify her as a Domme (this is,  in my experience, not a favorite term by the way with my lesbian friends because of it's close association with F/m paid submission) Mistress (note the capitalization as it is a title). Typically the power figure selects their own form of address rather then the submissive choosing one. While I have the title, and role of Master, at my direction my slave (who is also wife,  best friend, constant companion) calls, and refers to me, simply as Brian. But we are 24/7 which changes the nature of the Authority Based Relationship.

As you speak of fully submitting, an excellent book I would recommend is "slave craft" edited by Guy Baldwin. Although written from the perspective of a gay man, I think that it is the best written book on "the slaves heart" I've come across.

I would offer a bit of advice about submitting completely. Complete submission does not relieve you of your responsibility to your own mental and physical wellbeing. To submit fully requires absolute trust in the one you serve. This can only be earned over time. It cannot be taken from you on demand. Give of yourself freely, but listen to your inner voice afterwards. Are you happy, fulfilled,  even joyful? Wonderful! Are you unhappy, feel abused? Then you have an obligation to respect yourself and reconsider if the relation you are in is appropriate. In the end we do this because it makes us feel good! 😊

I'm BrianR on Fetlife, my slave is MelR.

Regards
Brian  

BDSM

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


BrianR

Expertise

I will answer questions related to long term Master/slave relationships.

Experience

We have been married since 2007, and I collared her on November 1, 2008. My slave and I are married, monogamous, and committed to each other. My relationship with my slave is based on mutual love, respect, and frankly fun. Race Bannon has said "if you are not having fun then you are doing it wrong." We are having lots of fun so we must be doing something right! My slave is an intelligent (BS in Mathematics actually), and strong women who chooses to put her power into my service and, perhaps seemingly paradoxically as she is my submissive, my equal. She is my slave, my wife, my best friend, and my only lover. I respect her for her ability to submit and truly believe that it takes more strength to submit then to dominate. She follows, but not blindly.

Organizations
Masters and Slaves Together - Marysville (Washington) (founding director) MAsT International - Assistant Northwest Regional Representative 2015, Regional Representtive 2016 BDSM Writers Workshop (April 2016) http://bdsmwriterscon.com/

Publications
My essays are on Fetlife under BrianR (https://fetlife.com/users/9389/posts)

Education/Credentials
Engineer (however this probably should be under the category "barriers your slave has overcome")

Awards and Honors
With my lovely slave we were Northwest Master and slave 2013

Past/Present Clients
With my slave I have presented at national and international events since 2013. While we enjoy presenting at national events, we find more satisfaction in talking with small groups from Boise ID to Singapore and Hong Kong. Our list of classes is available at

©2016 About.com. All rights reserved.