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BDSM/Earning my Masters trust back

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Question
Thank you for taking the time to read my question. My name is Amanda. I am in a  M/s relationship. I am a slave to my Master and his wife is my girlfriend. We all have our seperate relationships and are all together as a threesome. We have been together  for  a year and a half. We do not identify as leather. He has shown me a live I have only dreamed of. My Master deserves the best submissive possible and I want to give that to Him. Recently I finished my divorce from my ex husband. My  lack of emotional stability has caused some trouble in our relationship. Mostly between  Master and  I.  I gave him my collar back in a rage  filled  explosion. I am and have been in therapy for emotional abuse from my previous relationship. In working on my issues I lost everything. My question is how can  Master and. I  move forward?  How can I help Him see my worthyness again? The collar is a very serious part of our lives together. I let Him down. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Sincerely,
Amanda the submissive

Answer
(This answer was prepared by my Master, Jen.)

Amanda the submissive,

Thank you for writing.  Typically we don't think about the fallout following an emotional explosion such as the one you described and then find ourselves right where you now find yourself.  If you could only go back you'd handle this differently.

But, we're not given the opportunity for do-overs.  We can't take something back.  We can't make it undone.

I give this example:  Your explosion and removal of your collar is to your relationship as though you have crumpled a piece of paper.  You can work very hard to smooth that paper, to press out every wrinkle and crumple, but the paper will never be the same.

Meaning, whatever you do from this point forward you have to do with the understanding that what was done can never be undone.  The paper will never be smooth again.  You can not have what you had.

Your actions have placed the three of you on a different path.

The three of you now need to decide what that path looks like.

Is he still willing to be your Master?

Will he guide you until such point as he feels he is ready to collar you again?

Can you be his slave after what has happened?  Will you have respect for him for HIS actions in the upset?

Yes - he was involved.  You don't typically have a one-sided upset.  He did (or did not) do something that triggered you.

You need time to work through your own stuff.  I'm glad you have a counselor - I hope they are kink friendly.

Remember, before we are able to be something with someone we need to be someone to ourselves.  Said another way - you need to be a whole person before you can give yourself to someone.

Take time to heal yourself before you work on healing a relationship.

That is my advice and with it I send my best wishes to you and to your Master and his wife.

Please feel free to send on any follow-on questions you may think of.

Jen

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Robert Rubel (Dr. Bob)

Expertise

Anything related to BDSM or Master/slave relationships or activities.

Experience

See: www.KinkMastery.com I live 24/7 Master/slave lifestyle and have since 2002 both as Master and slave. My Owner and I present and do "weekend intensives" internationally and at BDSM conferences practically every month.

Organizations
Masters And slaves Together (MAsT) National Leather Association - International (NLA-I) National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF)

Publications
+++ BDSM Mastery—Basics: your guide to play, parties, and scene protocols. +++ BDSM Mastery—Relationships: a guide for creating mindful relationships for Dominants and submissives +++ Master/slave Mastery: Updated handbook of concepts, approaches, and practices +++ Master/slave Mastery--Advanced: Refining the fire; ideas that matter +++ Master/slave Mastery--Protocols: Focusing the intent of your relationship +++ Is THAT What They Meant? A book of practical communication insights

Education/Credentials
PhD, Urban Education Policy Studies with a minor in criminology, U of Wisconsin, Madison. EdM, Boston University with specialty in urban education Presented 80+ BDSM weekend conferences worldwide since 2007.

Awards and Honors
Pantheon of Leather Community Choice - Man, 2008

Past/Present Clients
Not applicable.

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