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Question
im am a mature submissive woman.
im wondering why im having such difficulty  totally surrendering to my
Master? I want to...I Need to and yet I keep fighting every step of the way.
When I'm not with Him I feel completely lost and utterly submissive.
But when im in his presence I am very defiant.
More than anything i yearn to be His slave.
I am a strong independent woman.
Please advise me.
Thank you.
Graciously...
char~

Answer
Char -

There can be many reasons why you might be struggling. Unfortunately, without knowing you or your relationship I can't give a precise answer. But hopefully I can help you discover it.

Here are some questions for you to ponder:

1. Do you fear being perceived as weak? As much as you might crave to surrender, there is a lot in our collective upbringing that pushes people to "be strong."  If this is the hurdle, then being active in the community and seeing the multitude of powerful slaves might help

2. Are you afraid of losing control and what might happen? As an independent and competent woman you might be worried about the consequence of transferring authority. In these situations the best "cure" is to take time to grow confident in the decision making ability of your partner. And if there are reasons you aren't confident in his decisions that's a different issue

3. Does he respond to your resistance by clamping down tighter? If so, you might  be resisting in order to prompt a response and "feel" his dominance.  While this provides a dose of control, it often undermines the actual dominance and authority transfer.

4. Do you think you have a better way of doing things? Sometimes the obstinance isn't to the directive, but how it's suppose to be done. If this is the case, I suggest you dig deeper. It cod be you need to accept that his way is still sound even if it doesn't match your prescribed method. Perhaps you can respectfully share your insights. Or it could be his style of management doesn't match your needs

I hope this is helpful in assisting you in exploring what's going on.  

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Ben Martin

Expertise

Questions related to power-based relationships in which decision-making authority is intentionally and consensually transferred -- and the resulting imbalance celebrated. I am able to assist those trying to understand where they fit in, and those seeking to structure and thrive in a power based relationships. Specific topics I am able to discuss include: setting and achieving personal and relationship goals, responsible Mastery, the use of protocols and rituals, communication techniques, and conflict resolution. In addition, I am knowledgable and experienced in polyamory, long-distance relationships, bisexuality and a variety of kinky activities ranging from mind games to sadistic play.

Experience

I have chosen to have a power-based structure in my relationships over the past 18 years. This has included a 16-year M/s relationship, several shorter term D/s relationships and various play partners. I am an active participant in various online forums and seek to provide support and advice to those interested in the Lifestyle.

Organizations
Black Rose

Publications
My writings, insights and discussion contributions are available on Alt.com and FetLife.com. On both websites, my user name is BenMartin

Education/Credentials
I do not hold any credentials specific to BDSM, relying instead on knowledge gained from life experiences, reading and conversing with others in the Lifestyle.

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