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Question
Good evening Mr. Ruben,
My name is Briana, I am 26 and just met the man of my dreams, my Master.  We are both deeply in love with each other.  He opened my eyes to being submissive...I'm addicted.
I will be moving in with him soon and need some advice.
I read a little on this type of relationship and 2 valuable things; to cater to him in public and to let him dress me.
I wanted to ask you about other things that I can/should do for him to make him happy.  You seem like you have a lot of experience.
I am completely new to this and would like some tips or some information to read up on this type of relationship.  
Any advice would be great.

Thank you,
Briana

Answer
Hi, Briana -- I can hear the excitement in your words.

For starters, I'd urge you to read the first two books of my Master/slave Relations books: Master/slave Relations: Handbook of theory and practice and Protocols for the Female slave:handbook of theory and practice.  The first book will orient you to the breadth and scope of M/s structures and the second will give you lots of protocol ideas to use with your Master.

I'd also urge you to join www.FetLife.com  It's free. If you do, feel free to send me a friend request.  On there, I'm Dr_Bob.

There are lots and lots of specialty groups on Fet.  Just type in "groups" in the search window and scroll through them.

This is a fairly large field of study. I've pasted a reading list down below.

Books if You’re Just Starting Out in BDSM
•   Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism by Philip Miller and Molly Devon (The classic guide to sadomasochism that is intended to strip away myth, shame, and fear, about BDSM to reveal truths about this intense form of eroticism.)
•   When Someone You Love is Kinky by Dossie Easton and Catherine Liszt (VERY helpful for explaining your interest and involvement in BDSM to non-kinky family and friends.)
•   Sensuous Magic, 2 Edition: Your guide to S/M for Adventurous Couples by Patrick Califia (Califia mixes erotic vignettes with practical advice and personal insights to produce a very creative guide to sadomasochism for couples.)


+++++++++

•   Leading and Supporting Love by Chris M. Lyon (Only book in print that describes workable ways to establish and maintain hierarchical relationships that are mutually supportive.  Very sophisticated yet easy to read.)
•   Master/slave Relations: Handbook of Theory and Practice by Robert J Rubel (This will provide your best opportunity to get an overall understanding of Master/slave relationships – especially about things to think about before starting one and techniques for maintaining such a structure once you’re in one.)
•   Protocol Handbook for the Female slave: Handbook of Theory and Practice by Robert J Rubel (An actual slave’s protocol manual, this gives ample examples of protocols that can be modified for your particular relationship.)
•   Master/slave Relations: Communications 401 – the advanced course by Robert J. Rubel (Out-of-the-box communications book that provides a wide range of work-arounds to often-hidden communication challenges.)
•   SlaveCraft: Roadmaps for Erotic Servitude – Principles, Skills and Tools by Guy Baldwin (Profound and masterful book discussing the philosophy and practice of service.
•   Real Service by Joushua Tenpenny and Raven Kladera (A “must read” if you’re thinking of preparing a manual of protocols for your slave.)
•   Dear Raven and Joshua Questions and Answers About Master/Slave Relationships by Raven Kaldera and Joshua Tenpenny (Read this before you establish your D/s or M/s relationship: it will save you a world of hurt.)
•   Paradigms of Power edited by Raven Kaldera (A “must read” book if you’re interested in reading about the major categories of ways that couples practice M/s.)

I wish you well and look forward to hearing from you on Fetlife.

Also, my partner and I have three books coming out in December that would be very helpful for you.  If you write to me on Fet, let me know whether you're interested in getting announcements about their availability on Amazon.

Bob

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Robert Rubel (Dr. Bob)

Expertise

Anything related to BDSM or Master/slave relationships or activities.

Experience

See: www.KinkMastery.com I live 24/7 Master/slave lifestyle and have since 2002 both as Master and slave. My Owner and I present and do "weekend intensives" internationally and at BDSM conferences practically every month.

Organizations
Masters And slaves Together (MAsT) National Leather Association - International (NLA-I) National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF)

Publications
+++ BDSM Mastery—Basics: your guide to play, parties, and scene protocols. +++ BDSM Mastery—Relationships: a guide for creating mindful relationships for Dominants and submissives +++ Master/slave Mastery: Updated handbook of concepts, approaches, and practices +++ Master/slave Mastery--Advanced: Refining the fire; ideas that matter +++ Master/slave Mastery--Protocols: Focusing the intent of your relationship +++ Is THAT What They Meant? A book of practical communication insights

Education/Credentials
PhD, Urban Education Policy Studies with a minor in criminology, U of Wisconsin, Madison. EdM, Boston University with specialty in urban education Presented 80+ BDSM weekend conferences worldwide since 2007.

Awards and Honors
Pantheon of Leather Community Choice - Man, 2008

Past/Present Clients
Not applicable.

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