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BDSM/Leaving an online Dom mentor

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Question
I have recently joined an online forum I search of questions, answers and friends in this new stage in my life. I identified myself as sub because I thought that was the most accurate account of my feelings at the time. I was soon drawn to a Mentor that identified himself as primal. Exceedily dominant and willing to take on a novice. I admit I have without intention at times tested hos patience but his communication has become increasingly passive/aggressive. Despite completing all my assignments, he CAPPED me tonight siting I was pathetic. Not my effort or my pictures my body..me as a person . I know submissives are supposed to be totally engrossed in another- but I think I'm over it. I think we are mismatched and I was hoping for advice on how to end it with some grace. How do I say goodby go someone who has held all the power without it becoming leverage?

Thank You for Your time.

Answer
Ak -

I'm going to address a few topics - not all of which you directly raise, but I think nonetheless worthy of discussion.

First, the internet can be a wonderful source of information, access and communication. However, relationships that exist solely online have a greater risk of including at least one party that is: not what they claim; engulfed in fantasy; dysfunctional or abusive. I understand that it can feel like there is greater safety behind the computer screen. Not only might that be untrue, but the rewards of getting out and interacted face to face with people are significant. Find munches, classes, workshops and events to learn skills, ask questions, explore alternate relationship dynamics, etc.

Second, there is broad (though not universal) agreement that mentors should not have a physical/sexual/power relationship with their protege. Mentorship is about answering (and asking) questions, being a sounding board and a resource. It's not a veil for play or sex or control without the associated responsibilities. And the best mentor is one whose path you'd like to follow: their approach to submission is one you'd like to emulate

Which is the long way of getting to your question. From my perspective you simply say "thanks for what you've shared with me; I'm at a crossroads and have chosen to move on". I don't see a reason to belabor the explanation. It is your decision - and that should be respected

Enjoy your journey

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Ben Martin

Expertise

Questions related to power-based relationships in which decision-making authority is intentionally and consensually transferred -- and the resulting imbalance celebrated. I am able to assist those trying to understand where they fit in, and those seeking to structure and thrive in a power based relationships. Specific topics I am able to discuss include: setting and achieving personal and relationship goals, responsible Mastery, the use of protocols and rituals, communication techniques, and conflict resolution. In addition, I am knowledgable and experienced in polyamory, long-distance relationships, bisexuality and a variety of kinky activities ranging from mind games to sadistic play.

Experience

I have chosen to have a power-based structure in my relationships over the past 18 years. This has included a 16-year M/s relationship, several shorter term D/s relationships and various play partners. I am an active participant in various online forums and seek to provide support and advice to those interested in the Lifestyle.

Organizations
Black Rose

Publications
My writings, insights and discussion contributions are available on Alt.com and FetLife.com. On both websites, my user name is BenMartin

Education/Credentials
I do not hold any credentials specific to BDSM, relying instead on knowledge gained from life experiences, reading and conversing with others in the Lifestyle.

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