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BDSM/I REALLY want to do this. What are some things I should know?

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Ok, I REALLY want to try BDSM as a submissive, but I'm hesitating. I want to learn about b4 I jump in w/ both feet. What will be expected of me? What rights will I have? Is it okay to just get up and leave? Plz Answer,
Clara

Answer
clara:

Start exploring the scene near you, join fet munches, or S&M serious demonstrations.  This will expose you to the variety of the lifestyle in your area.  If you have built a rapport do so with your "partner" if not use it as an opportunity to find people of the same ilk and interest as you to commune with. This will demystify much of the crap that your read or hear about.  Many times the real life is different than the fantasy, sometimes more intense; sometimes less but remember there is a big difference between living the lifestyle and just dabbling (or playing) at it.

What you have, or rights are something that changes depending on whom you are interacting with and the agreement you set up to start.  Beginning there always things which you need to grow into and things you will be terrified of and want to avoid.  Establish a rapport with some one whom is dominant, and begin with simple communications.  Don't rush into scenes or activities but explore each other's interests, curiosity and desires.  This is very much the same as vanilla relationships in that you get to know your partner but more importantly and different than the vanilla world you learn about yourself.

Understand your needs, and the aspects you are interested in, then find in your explorations those people with similar interest. This will give you a basis to explore.  Personally, I think you should find some one much more experienced than yourself so you can be guided to growing and exploring areas beyond your immediate needs.  This always you grow within your kink and keep the "fire" stoked.

In most cases when you start a relationship do so as a trial.  Set the conditions (and safe words) you need to be comfortable in your explorations.  As a submissive it is always permissive to call a halt to it, just get up and walk away as you said. Realize though if this becomes a habit it is equally permissible for your "DOMINANT" to say enough is enough and don't come back. Also in Europe, North America and much of the former British Commonwealth the concept of "real slavery" is an unacceptable condition; so if you ever like you can simply walk away even when a "devotee".  However, the emotional, mental and spiritual commitment some make make the law rather irrelevant.  

Over time you will have more questions, interest and things you need help putting into perspective.  A good DOminant can help you, a sister slave can help but barring that the people here are always willing to answer questions and help.  I hope this helped and as I suggested if you have more questions just ask.

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Aramock Nanuck

Expertise

I will answer any questions concern the lifestyle and may annoy a few because I do dive into the history and psychology of this lifestyle in many of my answers. I have a partner a Femdom Mistress who shares my experiences and assets, as I hers. Also belonging to a couple groups in Europa and Asia. Traveling frequently between the continents. We tend to share information and discuss many of the topics frequently. I will focus on the core items around, training and relationship management for those that are interested.

Experience

I have been involved in the lifestyle since being introduced to it by my father at the age of 13. He was a master in the 50's to 80's but predated the popularity of Gor, and was Pharaonic in nature. I owned my own slaves since my early 20's. I have usually been part of a poly household. For about 6 years three of us ran a BDSM club in Prague until it was "acquired" by the Russian "businessmen". I do not hold any moral taboos about this lifestyle and at one time or another have experience or seen everything imaginable. It is in this absence of mrals that principles, protocols and personal honour must determine the worth of an individual. It is their clear and unwavering adherence to these ethics that make for stauncher things than those which some observance by mere lip service to common morals. When men/women of honour lead, then they do so without malice, without negativity and without thought of personal gain. It only then that they truly attain Dominon over others. Therefore in mastery comes a devotion to duty, and the existence, needs and desires of others that exceeds the submission mere slaves give to the Dominant. A Dominant one must lead, govern, educate and enrich the lives of subjects beign ruled... for otherwise they are but a sycophant and a tyrant. Hedonism and narcissism plays no part in this, it is an apparition that forms from acts done at much higher levels of meaning that mere morally bound persons can not see.

Organizations
I belong to a number of local clubs, and a loose association (not formal) of about 25 masters and mistresses here in Western Europe and Asia who share experiences, training and some exchange trade assets.

Publications
I have not published on BDSM under my name, but contribute frequently to forums. I am consolidating my writings slowly on DarkCastleSin.org for any that are interested in reading.

Education/Credentials
Not relevant although I do have a DCS and DT but I am not Christian so have no moral dilemmas with this lifestyle.

Awards and Honors
Not applicable here, come on in our lifestyle these do not exist but should. When was the last time we had public awards for Worlds Darkest Sadist, World's Most Gifted Shibaru Artist, Worlds Most Diligent Mentor, World's Most Gifted Enthusiast,

Past/Present Clients
Not relevant; private consults remain so.

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