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BDSM/leaving my master (break up)

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Question
this is so hard for me. i am sure this is what i want, but he does not want me to leave. he begs and begs and will always find a way to contact me or confront me. sometimes it gets a little scary and i dont want to get into that, but i dont want to get the cops or anything involved either. i need to know how to break it off with him correctly. maybe im doing something wrong. ive told him everything that hes doing wrong, it doesnt change. he doesnt care enough. he probably needs psychological help but he wont go do it because he says they (his councelors) dont recommend it for him but they dont see what i see. what do i say anymore to him so he understands and leaves me alone? right now we are together again because he does not take no for an answer at all. i cant just up and leave, i need to know he accepts it and he wont hurt himself or anyone else for that matter. like i said, maybe i am doing something wrong. i hope i'm asking the right person. what's the best way for a sub/slave to break up with her master who never thinks it's really over?
i cant be the only one who just so happens to meet the wrong "dom" in these relationships.

Answer
Hi, ekki --

I empathize with you.

You haven't described any of the areas of difficulty, but as a 70-year-old with Asperger Syndrome I'll tell you that some conditions are caused by brain wiring and you'll not be able to change those.  For example, Aspie's don't "get" hints.  We only "get" direct action.  The fact that you have stayed around with him could easily be taken by him as the reason to hold out strong hope that he will yet prevail and you'll stay forever.  

By way of endings: How about an "uncollaring" ceremony.  I've known of some of these and they not only bring closure to the relationship but they're easier on your community.

If it's over -- if you want the relationship over -- then you simply can't go back.  If you DO go back, then the relationship is NOT over and you're still working on something -- even if only being sure that he's really okay.  You will not be able to move on as long as that is still and until and you decide that he will be okay however it turns out.

Jen (mostly) and Bob

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Robert Rubel (Dr. Bob)

Expertise

Anything related to BDSM or Master/slave relationships or activities.

Experience

See: www.KinkMastery.com I live 24/7 Master/slave lifestyle and have since 2002 both as Master and slave. My Owner and I present and do "weekend intensives" internationally and at BDSM conferences practically every month.

Organizations
Masters And slaves Together (MAsT) National Leather Association - International (NLA-I) National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF)

Publications
+++ BDSM Mastery—Basics: your guide to play, parties, and scene protocols. +++ BDSM Mastery—Relationships: a guide for creating mindful relationships for Dominants and submissives +++ Master/slave Mastery: Updated handbook of concepts, approaches, and practices +++ Master/slave Mastery--Advanced: Refining the fire; ideas that matter +++ Master/slave Mastery--Protocols: Focusing the intent of your relationship +++ Is THAT What They Meant? A book of practical communication insights

Education/Credentials
PhD, Urban Education Policy Studies with a minor in criminology, U of Wisconsin, Madison. EdM, Boston University with specialty in urban education Presented 80+ BDSM weekend conferences worldwide since 2007.

Awards and Honors
Pantheon of Leather Community Choice - Man, 2008

Past/Present Clients
Not applicable.

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