You are here:

BDSM/I am very lost

Advertisement


Question
I really do not know what to believe now. What do i look for in a real dom? I am scared to trust just anyone and no one has yet to take interest in the real me. How do I find a dom? I want this and want to learn and am open and willing to try. I seem to do something wrong or I am wrong. Please help me I am so close to giving up and I do not think like this normally.

Tatiana

Answer
Hi Tatiana

I think I read several questions and the first,  and most important, is how you feel. A desire to serve,  to submit to another is not abnormal nor is it any indication of weakness. It is my strong belief that it takes more strength to submit than it does to dominate. You are not wrong to listen to the song your heart sings.

It is very important for you to know you are not alone;even though it may seem that way if you don't know where to reach out for community. This also leads to another question you have asked,  "Where can you meet Dom's?"

But let's narrow that a bit and rephrase the question to "Where can I meet a quality Dom,  someone worthy of the trust I must have to totally submit to them?" While there are sites such as CollarMe,  you can easily meet someone willing to dominate you but the quality of their dominance would be questionable,  as would your safety.

Fetlife is a social media site for kinky folks like us which provides a means of finding kinky events in your area. "Munches" are where kinky people socialize at a bar or restaurant.  Public,  safe,  fun. And can be a good place to meet people who share your desires.

The first time I went to a munch there was a feeling of relief,  I wasn't alone,  it was OK to feel the way I felt because others felt like I did.

So in summary:
  You are not deviant, abnormal, or any of the other negatives our culture and society tries to label us as.

  You are not alone.

  Quality Dom's do exist.

If I haven't fully answered your question please feel free to follow-up.

Regards
Brian

BDSM

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


BrianR

Expertise

I will answer questions related to long term Master/slave relationships.

Experience

We have been married since 2007, and I collared her on November 1, 2008. My slave and I are married, monogamous, and committed to each other. My relationship with my slave is based on mutual love, respect, and frankly fun. Race Bannon has said "if you are not having fun then you are doing it wrong." We are having lots of fun so we must be doing something right! My slave is an intelligent (BS in Mathematics actually), and strong women who chooses to put her power into my service and, perhaps seemingly paradoxically as she is my submissive, my equal. She is my slave, my wife, my best friend, and my only lover. I respect her for her ability to submit and truly believe that it takes more strength to submit then to dominate. She follows, but not blindly.

Organizations
Masters and Slaves Together - Marysville (Washington) (founding director) MAsT International - Assistant Northwest Regional Representative 2015, Regional Representtive 2016 BDSM Writers Workshop (April 2016) http://bdsmwriterscon.com/

Publications
My essays are on Fetlife under BrianR (https://fetlife.com/users/9389/posts)

Education/Credentials
Engineer (however this probably should be under the category "barriers your slave has overcome")

Awards and Honors
With my lovely slave we were Northwest Master and slave 2013

Past/Present Clients
With my slave I have presented at national and international events since 2013. While we enjoy presenting at national events, we find more satisfaction in talking with small groups from Boise ID to Singapore and Hong Kong. Our list of classes is available at

©2016 About.com. All rights reserved.