You are here:

BDSM/Understanding

Advertisement


Question
Hello, in all honesty I am very nervous finally talking about this and asking questions. Since I was 15 ( I am 19 now) I have fantasized about bondage... ( I am not good with these term names) Whipping? is that what it is called? I love the feel of the rush I get when being spanked or called degrading names. I have read three books that have had this BDSM lifestyle in It and I like it. But I also have never truly lived out my fantasy. I guess you would understand my question better if I explained what I have done so far. I have done anal with my ex boyfriend. Been eaten out and fingered and that is it. I have given a blow job once and three hand jobs. I am very very shy when it comes to my body. Most people probably wouldn't call me a virgin but I have never had vaginal sex. I am rather scared of it but I do want it. I guess that is my shy side coming to play. Someone being that close to my body scares me. I guess what I am saying is that I want a master but I am nervous around guys and I guess that I why I am talking to you. Because I feel more nervous asking a guy about these things but I don't want to be scared. I want to be more hmmm good about my body. I am so sorry if this message is confusing. Do you think I would be able to live this lifestyle and how could I get into it? How can I find someone near me that would start slow with me? In this world there are so many dangerous people it is hard to trust just anyone. :) Thank you for reading my weird message and I hope I have not confused you.

Answer
bryee:

The core of your question is how to find someone like you.  It is also from the dialog that you would be more comfortable with some one near your age who could be a "kinky boyfriend" and rather new who could explore with you.  I assume that you are about to enter college or have just started and the strong "bull" type jocks tend to scare you.

Take it slow, explore the lifestyle as a voyeur for the time being.  Attend some munches (fetish gatherings) go to any exhibitions of shows and discover the nature of the lifestyle.  Remember most of us in the life style go by the mantra "Safe. Sane. Consensual."  You will discover other like your self over time, but the number of predators and wanna-bes is extreme in the forums, and cruising sites.  Anyone who talks about financial remuneration avoid, they usually are just scammers and wanting to shaft you.  The same with picture collectors or cammers, they tend to hide behind the ether avoiding real contact and nothing truly meaningful comes of it.

If there is an association that meets regularly in your area, go to it; in some areas it is harder to discover them but never impossible.  Finally if you have more questions just ask we here will always provide what answers we can.

BDSM

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


Aramock Nanuck

Expertise

I will answer any questions concern the lifestyle and may annoy a few because I do dive into the history and psychology of this lifestyle in many of my answers. I have a partner a Femdom Mistress who shares my experiences and assets, as I hers. Also belonging to a couple groups in Europa and Asia. Traveling frequently between the continents. We tend to share information and discuss many of the topics frequently. I will focus on the core items around, training and relationship management for those that are interested.

Experience

I have been involved in the lifestyle since being introduced to it by my father at the age of 13. He was a master in the 50's to 80's but predated the popularity of Gor, and was Pharaonic in nature. I owned my own slaves since my early 20's. I have usually been part of a poly household. For about 6 years three of us ran a BDSM club in Prague until it was "acquired" by the Russian "businessmen". I do not hold any moral taboos about this lifestyle and at one time or another have experience or seen everything imaginable. It is in this absence of mrals that principles, protocols and personal honour must determine the worth of an individual. It is their clear and unwavering adherence to these ethics that make for stauncher things than those which some observance by mere lip service to common morals. When men/women of honour lead, then they do so without malice, without negativity and without thought of personal gain. It only then that they truly attain Dominon over others. Therefore in mastery comes a devotion to duty, and the existence, needs and desires of others that exceeds the submission mere slaves give to the Dominant. A Dominant one must lead, govern, educate and enrich the lives of subjects beign ruled... for otherwise they are but a sycophant and a tyrant. Hedonism and narcissism plays no part in this, it is an apparition that forms from acts done at much higher levels of meaning that mere morally bound persons can not see.

Organizations
I belong to a number of local clubs, and a loose association (not formal) of about 25 masters and mistresses here in Western Europe and Asia who share experiences, training and some exchange trade assets.

Publications
I have not published on BDSM under my name, but contribute frequently to forums. I am consolidating my writings slowly on DarkCastleSin.org for any that are interested in reading.

Education/Credentials
Not relevant although I do have a DCS and DT but I am not Christian so have no moral dilemmas with this lifestyle.

Awards and Honors
Not applicable here, come on in our lifestyle these do not exist but should. When was the last time we had public awards for Worlds Darkest Sadist, World's Most Gifted Shibaru Artist, Worlds Most Diligent Mentor, World's Most Gifted Enthusiast,

Past/Present Clients
Not relevant; private consults remain so.

©2016 About.com. All rights reserved.