You are here:

BDSM/finding a master

Advertisement


Question
Now I know its hard now a days to find a master/mistress who isn't a fake... But u was hoping you'd shine some words of wisdom on me about finding one. Please help.

isabel

Answer
isabel

The problem of the day on either side of the house.  The tough economic times, and general acceptance of the internet, and the move of organized crime into this peripheral lifestyle has meant as you discovered scammers, fakes and frauds abound. Find a master is the same as finding a slave. I guess the first point is it will take a heck of a lot persistence.  You are going to sort through hundreds of profiles which ever site or method you use to find one who is real. So the effort has to be worth the expectations.  Secondly plan for yourself those things you have as an absolutely minimum. Most of these are not sexual, but the things around which you would make a decision for a life (or part there of) partner. These are things you need to focus on before the kink. Because in the end you want more than a ONS and that entails an commitment.  

I think the other factor is that you have to be totally honest yourself, and expect it of the other person. Without honesty there can be no trust, and this lifestyle above any other requires trust, as so many of the activities if not properly done, or careless undertook can be damaging and even life threatening.  So you have have to have the trust.

I would suggest you not expect also a quick resolution, take your time get to know the person, talk to them.  Everyone gives away a little of themselves over time. You will see the cracks in their personalities after a dozen or so meetings, it will also clearly show they are interested if they continue so long. Remember each conversation can vary wildly from the extreme to the banal but remain consistent within there own reference.  It is the treads that go through these conversations or meetings which will show you how serious they are and where their value systems lay.  

As you begin to interact on a more personal level, make sure it is equitable and balance. You can take such activities to the extreme as long as both parties are in for the journey.

I am not sure if I have been helpful, but look forward to any specific questions you may have as follow up.

BDSM

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


Aramock Nanuck

Expertise

I will answer any questions concern the lifestyle and may annoy a few because I do dive into the history and psychology of this lifestyle in many of my answers. I have a partner a Femdom Mistress who shares my experiences and assets, as I hers. Also belonging to a couple groups in Europa and Asia. Traveling frequently between the continents. We tend to share information and discuss many of the topics frequently. I will focus on the core items around, training and relationship management for those that are interested.

Experience

I have been involved in the lifestyle since being introduced to it by my father at the age of 13. He was a master in the 50's to 80's but predated the popularity of Gor, and was Pharaonic in nature. I owned my own slaves since my early 20's. I have usually been part of a poly household. For about 6 years three of us ran a BDSM club in Prague until it was "acquired" by the Russian "businessmen". I do not hold any moral taboos about this lifestyle and at one time or another have experience or seen everything imaginable. It is in this absence of mrals that principles, protocols and personal honour must determine the worth of an individual. It is their clear and unwavering adherence to these ethics that make for stauncher things than those which some observance by mere lip service to common morals. When men/women of honour lead, then they do so without malice, without negativity and without thought of personal gain. It only then that they truly attain Dominon over others. Therefore in mastery comes a devotion to duty, and the existence, needs and desires of others that exceeds the submission mere slaves give to the Dominant. A Dominant one must lead, govern, educate and enrich the lives of subjects beign ruled... for otherwise they are but a sycophant and a tyrant. Hedonism and narcissism plays no part in this, it is an apparition that forms from acts done at much higher levels of meaning that mere morally bound persons can not see.

Organizations
I belong to a number of local clubs, and a loose association (not formal) of about 25 masters and mistresses here in Western Europe and Asia who share experiences, training and some exchange trade assets.

Publications
I have not published on BDSM under my name, but contribute frequently to forums. I am consolidating my writings slowly on DarkCastleSin.org for any that are interested in reading.

Education/Credentials
Not relevant although I do have a DCS and DT but I am not Christian so have no moral dilemmas with this lifestyle.

Awards and Honors
Not applicable here, come on in our lifestyle these do not exist but should. When was the last time we had public awards for Worlds Darkest Sadist, World's Most Gifted Shibaru Artist, Worlds Most Diligent Mentor, World's Most Gifted Enthusiast,

Past/Present Clients
Not relevant; private consults remain so.

©2016 About.com. All rights reserved.