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Question
My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 8 months and he wants a Dom/Sub relationship.  I am fine with the majority of his requirements. I enjoy doing things for him. When we go out to dinner or coffee though he doesn't want to pay. As my Dom is this part of him caring for me or am I responsible for paying for things?  I have never been with a man that has asked me to pay for dinner when we went out.  He is financially much more stable than I am so I am at a loss.

Answer
Hi, Amanda...

Never heard of such a situation.  As the Dom, he's responsible for you.  I realize that it's a touchy subject, but perhaps you could sit down and each of you write out your expectations of the other as a way of getting at the "paying for meals" and "financial inequity" aspects.

If you have the personality for it, can you simply sit him down and say, in effect, "We gotta talk..."

If you're uncomfortable with that, you might do some Internet research for "talking sticks" and tell him that you'd like to have a serious discussion and that you feel uncomfortable about discussing it with him and would like the emotional protection afforded by using talking sticks.


Feel free to write back if this doesn't go far enough.  Next step, I'd ask my Owner (I'm Owned by a woman who is a strong Domme) to help with the answer.

Bob

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Robert Rubel (Dr. Bob)

Expertise

Anything related to BDSM or Master/slave relationships or activities.

Experience

See: www.KinkMastery.com I live 24/7 Master/slave lifestyle and have since 2002 both as Master and slave. My Owner and I present and do "weekend intensives" internationally and at BDSM conferences practically every month.

Organizations
Masters And slaves Together (MAsT) National Leather Association - International (NLA-I) National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF)

Publications
+++ BDSM Mastery—Basics: your guide to play, parties, and scene protocols. +++ BDSM Mastery—Relationships: a guide for creating mindful relationships for Dominants and submissives +++ Master/slave Mastery: Updated handbook of concepts, approaches, and practices +++ Master/slave Mastery--Advanced: Refining the fire; ideas that matter +++ Master/slave Mastery--Protocols: Focusing the intent of your relationship +++ Is THAT What They Meant? A book of practical communication insights

Education/Credentials
PhD, Urban Education Policy Studies with a minor in criminology, U of Wisconsin, Madison. EdM, Boston University with specialty in urban education Presented 80+ BDSM weekend conferences worldwide since 2007.

Awards and Honors
Pantheon of Leather Community Choice - Man, 2008

Past/Present Clients
Not applicable.

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