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QUESTION: I am a 25 year old slave woman living in India. I have been owned by my current master for the past 6 months. We have a mostly total power exchange relationship and I love him very much. Later this year my master is going abroad on a business trip for about a month and he is going to lend me to another master during that time.

Since the beginning of our relationship my master made it clear to me that he was going to share me with other men. It was one of my soft rather than hard limits so my master gradually pushed my boundaries as far as being intimate with other men was concerned. He started by bringing another master to spank me or whip me during my punishments. Then he gradually made me kiss another man and indulge in foreplay with him and later made me give handjobs and blowjobs to make him ejaculate. All of this wasn't easy for me but with my master to guide me I learnt to tolerate it, even enjoy it sometimes. But just last week after an intense foreplay session with another man master made me get onto my hands and knees and asked the other man to penetrate me. I had never been penetrated in my vagina by any other man after meeting my master and I felt almost a sense of betrayal at first as the man began sliding his penis inside me. But watching the pleasure on my masters face as he saw me being fucked by another man made me happy. I even had a powerful orgasm when I felt him release inside me. But afterwards the sticky fluid between my legs constantly reminded me that someone else had taken what I had always kept for my master. It's difficult to describe that feeling. I felt both happy at pleasing my master and sad at giving someone else what I had always reserved for my master.

Now my I have to service this new master of mine for a month till my master gets back. Can you advice me on how to serve another master without feeling this sense of conflict? Also my master won't be there to guide me so I think it will be more difficult for me to separate my emotions from the sex. As a slave I am expected to eventually do everything that my master wants me to do as long as it is not a hard limit.

ANSWER: Hello, Manju --

Thank you for writing. You have presented a very serious and delicate question and I hope that we can answer in ways that will help you. I (Bob) am slave to my partner, Jen. I call her Master. I understand your question quite will. She is crafting this reply to you and I am typing and adding some phrases here and there.

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The starting point is to ask whether you have the kind of relationship where you can openly discuss your concerns and fears with your Master.  If yes, then here is what we suggest. If you do not have that kind of relationship, you may wish to write back to us with more guidelines and we'll try to provide some communication strategies/guidelines for speaking with him.

The first thing we'd suggest is that you ask your Master to outline what "serving another Master" looks like for him. This includes: carefully describing the kinds of sex you're expected to perform; whether the temporary Master can punish you; whether he can mark you; and whether he can share you with others... You'll have to add to this list to include as much detail as possible concerning your own areas of concern.

There is a real risk, here, that your Master is thinking that you will do A, B, and C but without clearly stating what A, B, and C are, you will do E, F, and stone, thinking that they were included in A, B, and C.  For example, your Master may be thinking of "service" as in "serving primarily as a Household Manager with sex being a casual part of the service, but this temporary Master now considers you to be HIS slave and makes sex with you the primary activity, including involving other men.

This document is really for the temporary Master, because -- as you point out -- your task is to serve your permanent Master as he wishes -- so he has to be particularly clear what those wishes are. We strongly recommend that your Master requires this temporary Master to follow a protocol that if the temporary Master wants you to do something that you feel violates your relationship with your prominent Master, that you can give a signal that is a "time out" signal to enable you and the Temporary Master (both) to speak with your permanent Master about how to handle the situation. This preserves everyone's dignity.

It seems to us that one of the principal points is that you are in SERVICE to this person, you are not being GIVEN to this person. You didn't choose to be in service to this other man, so he (this temporary Master) must be giving an outline of expectations in order that he not treat you as his. You remain your Master's property, you are simply serving another for a specified time within the boundaries written out by your Master.

Now: my partner, Jen, has picked up on your reaction to another man's ejaculate inside you and dripping out. She suggests that your Master require this temporary Master to use a condom -- that your permanent Master specifically forbids him from ejaculating inside you bareback. Jen also suggests that your Master specify to the temporary Master that after sex with you, that you be allowed whatever time you need to process your emotions -- "alone time."

Your Master needs to provide an exit strategy -- a way that you can get away from this temporary situation should things get too intense for you. This could be a short-term place for you to go for emotional safety or a longer-term place to go both for emotional and physical safety. Remember, your Master is responsible for your emotional and physical wellbeing. His "wants" cannot override your "needs." What you are describing comes very close to violating the basic contract between a Master and a voluntary slave: you serve and obey in exchange for total protection from harm. He now needs to ensure that while in temporary service, you continue to be protected from emotional and physical harm. It's the deal.

Please feel free to write back if you want us to consider other aspects of this situation.

Jen and Bob



---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: My master always listens to what I have to say. I am allowed to speak freely with him about my concerns. That doesn't mean he will agree to everything that I want but he usually seeks a middle ground if our wishes and expectations differ greatly. Once he decides on something, then I have to obey him as his slave unless it crosses a hard limit.

We have discussed what my relationship with this new master will be. It will involve full service that is the temporary master will have the right to punish me as he sees fit and use me to satisfy his sexual needs. I will be his slave until my permanent master returns. My master and this new master have also agreed on a set of rules that he(my temporary master) will follow when I am with him. One of the rules is that I will not be shared with other men besides the temporary master.  

As far as using condoms is concerned my master's wish is that I have sex bareback with my temporary master. Although your idea of protected sex is something I would prefer I can't disobey my master unless he crosses a hard limit of mine. My master has assured me that this new master will be fully screened for STD's prior to any sexual activity between us.

Besides my master and a few men with whom we play with there is a woman who knows about our relationship. She lives nearby and will visit the house of my temporary master twice weekly to see if I am alright and report to my master. My master and I use a safe word only if there is a medical problem like a cramp or suffocation during a punishment session. I don't have the right to stop play only because I can't handle the intensity of the pain. The same rule will apply when I am with my temporary master. Also another protection is that my master will call me daily to check whether I am alright.

I hope I have taken care of everything before I go to this temporary master. If you have any more advice or anything that you think I haven't covered, I would be glad to hear it.

Answer
Good morning, Manju...

My initial reaction is that you have been very successful in addressing the concerns that we expressed.  I'll share this with Jen this evening to see whether she wishes to add anything.

We're curious, though: your English is at the level of college-educated American -- were you educated in the US? Also, we're genuinely surprised to hear of an M/s couple in India, let alone a couple with your extremely high level of sophistication about M/s structures and protocols.

If your Master is willing to permit you to share any of your story, we'd love to hear about it.  You can write us directly at: PowerExchangeEditor@yahoo.com.

If you're on Fetlife, I'm Dr_Bob and Master is M_Jen.  Please feel free to send a friend request, if your Master will permit it.

Jen and I will hold you in our thoughts.

From what we can tell, you will be safe and cared for.

Bob

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Robert Rubel (Dr. Bob)

Expertise

Anything related to BDSM or Master/slave relationships or activities.

Experience

See: www.KinkMastery.com I live 24/7 Master/slave lifestyle and have since 2002 both as Master and slave. My Owner and I present and do "weekend intensives" internationally and at BDSM conferences practically every month.

Organizations
Masters And slaves Together (MAsT) National Leather Association - International (NLA-I) National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF)

Publications
+++ BDSM Mastery—Basics: your guide to play, parties, and scene protocols. +++ BDSM Mastery—Relationships: a guide for creating mindful relationships for Dominants and submissives +++ Master/slave Mastery: Updated handbook of concepts, approaches, and practices +++ Master/slave Mastery--Advanced: Refining the fire; ideas that matter +++ Master/slave Mastery--Protocols: Focusing the intent of your relationship +++ Is THAT What They Meant? A book of practical communication insights

Education/Credentials
PhD, Urban Education Policy Studies with a minor in criminology, U of Wisconsin, Madison. EdM, Boston University with specialty in urban education Presented 80+ BDSM weekend conferences worldwide since 2007.

Awards and Honors
Pantheon of Leather Community Choice - Man, 2008

Past/Present Clients
Not applicable.

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