BDSM/Can a slave be owned by more than one master/mistress
I sure hope that you can help me and that this will help others new to the BDSM community. I have been looking for this answer for quite sometime.
In the last 5 months I was approached by a friend and he wanted me to be his Dome. He told me all about the BDSM community and I even did some of my own research. At first I was on board with it and figured that I would give it a try. I even made a conscience effort to come out from my comfort zone to try something new. It was all going good (so I thought)until I tried something and he would not do it and he used our safe word. At that time he then came clean with me and told me that he had another Mistress and that was against her rules and I had to respect her rules pertaining to their contract. He has been with this Mistress for many years and is collared by her. I did not know what to think or do. I was in dismay and felt deceived. He would tell me that it was ok for a slave to have multiple Domes' and he wanted me to mold, train and shape him, but sometimes when I tried, he would tell me that it was lame. There is some distance(travel) between him and his other Mistress (but would travel at a whim when she demanded) and according to him that his other Mistress is ok with whatever we do as long as we did not violate her rules. When I asked questions, he would tell me that I would not a Surrogate for his Mistress, but have equal rights, but still had to obey her rules. I told him that was not equal and why do I still have to obey her rules and plus why do I have to trust someone that I have not even met or know. He would tell me that is the way it is in the BDSM world and I should feel and be honored that I did not have to be interviewed by her so he could be my slave. I don't feel anything honored about that. He was the one that approached me, and brought me in. I understand that as a Domme that I do not take some else's property, and I respect that Domme/Mistress. I have asked him to take me to a munch so that I could talk to others in the BDMS world and he would not. I told him that I wanted to talk to other Mistress's and he told me that I could talk to his and she would be willing to teach/mentor me.(I don't think so.)
When I told him what I have read and that in most cases that the only way it would work is if there was total and complete trust between all parties, and then he tells me if I always believe everything that I read.
I tried to break it off several times and he finds ways to keep me just close enough, but only when it is convenient for him or them. I even asked him that if he was so miserable with his current Mistress to break it off and then he tells me that "it's complicated". I asked him why the rules and he told me " that it is because he thinks she is in love with me and don't what any one else to fall in love with me." At one time he even said that I could cuckold hold him, and when I asked him why his Mistress does not do it he told me that it was not his Mistress's thing. Isn't she cuckolding him if she is married to someone else? Hum?
I have read about the different aspects of a slave/submissive depending on the situation. To me this does not fit into what I have read. What a first introduction to this life style. I really want to think that this is not the rule and just a rouge slave, I have called him that. I am sure that if you had his side it would be totally different.
I guess in the end what my question is/are there protocols for a slave to be owned by more than one Mistress/Master? Isn't a slave only loyal to one master/mistress?
Thank you for any assistance that you can provide to me. I just want to know that I am not insane.
FIRST and for most you are not insane.. and you are right to question this behavior...
There are slaves that serve two owners but the occurance is rare.. and usually one master ( the more experineced) may work with another master (less experienced) may allow their slave to serve another so that the master may gain more experience or finds that the other provides something that the other can not.. This is almost never spured on by the slave...the agreement is between the two masters or Mistresses.
To be honest it appears from your accounting that this particular slave is manipulating the situation for his own benifit with little concern for you...
You might see a bottom who serves more than one person based on that persons particular needs and is usually something that is disclosed up front. and is usually SM related.
The basis of all Power Dynamic relationships is concent and concent of all those involve to include those partner who are not involved in the lifesyle. (wives and husbands) Consent also includes between you and the other Mistress... you mentioned that when you started with this person you didnt know he had another person he was collared to..
Inaddition; it has been my expereince that slaves are owned, heart, mind body and soul...they are property per the agreement between both the Mistress and the slave... His or her focus is to be to the wishes of the Mistress (owner). her wants and desires should be his or her promary focus... His or she should be for her or his mistress's purpose and her pleasure.. Your discription indicates an individual that so more focused on his desires rather than that of either you or his other Mistress.
The other thing i noticed in your message was that as you tried to get him to do as you request of him.. he refused.. one of the tenants of being a slave is that of obedience.. His refusal to do so as it was against the rules of another Mistress, puts you in a position of nonconsensually bottoming to this other Mistress, to whom you dont even know..
Masters and Mistresses are not the only ones that should be held to an ethical standard.. slaves should as well..
i recognize he is a friend. However, if your desire is to develop yourself as a Mistress, if i may.. encourage you continue to explore power dynamic relationships through real time interactions with local groups another interesting site is FETLIFE.com; they have a number of online message boards.. i find they a reasonably good place to read the perspectives of others ( some of which are living as D/s and M/s in real time) Any time you can talk and be around others in the lifestyle you will gain a clear understanding as to how these relationships function in ways that are ethical.. i also would encourage being with someone who is actually available to you in ways that allso you to take ownership, build trust and develope your mastery in ways that come natural to you
Having said all of that... please please please ALWAYS follow your instincts... You are right to question.
i hope that i have been of some assistance with your questions..