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Question
I've done extensive research and reading on BDSM. My friends tell me I could be Sub, but they say that I'm to old and that no Dom would want me. That I'm sick and perverted for thinking such a thing. I haven't dated or had a guy in over 10years, when I did date or had sex I always felt something missing. that I wasn't fulfilled in my relationships. How do I know for sure that I could be a Sub? Is it true that to join a club you have to fill out forms? Do you have to pay a membership fee? Would the club owner also match you up with a Dom if your just starting out.     Thank You.

Answer
Wanda -

The notion that there is an age limit is hogwash.

My suggestion is that you do more research and reflection before jumping in. I suggest you define for yourself what it is you're looking for. Is it being on the receiving end of kinky activities (rope, spanking, etc) - which is often called "bottoming"? Are you interested in a relationship where there is some degree of transferring authority for certain decisions (from bedroom activities to every aspect of your life) to another - which would be a submissive or slave?

To answer your specific question, most dungeons/clubs are membership based for a variety of legal reasons and do have paperwork to fill out (which should be kept confidential). It is not the responsibility of the club owner to set you up. Nor should you want that. You want to decide who you play with or get in a relationship with.any clubs host "dungeon 101" events where different things are explained and sampled with the lights on. There are also groups that host "munches" - which are casual get togethers at restaurants.  

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Ben Martin

Expertise

Questions related to power-based relationships in which decision-making authority is intentionally and consensually transferred -- and the resulting imbalance celebrated. I am able to assist those trying to understand where they fit in, and those seeking to structure and thrive in a power based relationships. Specific topics I am able to discuss include: setting and achieving personal and relationship goals, responsible Mastery, the use of protocols and rituals, communication techniques, and conflict resolution. In addition, I am knowledgable and experienced in polyamory, long-distance relationships, bisexuality and a variety of kinky activities ranging from mind games to sadistic play.

Experience

I have chosen to have a power-based structure in my relationships over the past 18 years. This has included a 16-year M/s relationship, several shorter term D/s relationships and various play partners. I am an active participant in various online forums and seek to provide support and advice to those interested in the Lifestyle.

Organizations
Black Rose

Publications
My writings, insights and discussion contributions are available on Alt.com and FetLife.com. On both websites, my user name is BenMartin

Education/Credentials
I do not hold any credentials specific to BDSM, relying instead on knowledge gained from life experiences, reading and conversing with others in the Lifestyle.

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