BDSM/Mistress

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Question
I am having difficulty finding what I think is a genuine mistress. I am on BDSM.com website and subsequently email.  Each one asks me for a substantial sum of money $500 as a gesture of committment, which they say they will refund upon our first meeting.
Do you think they are attempting to scam me or is this usual practice?

Regards

James

Answer
Short answer-yes, scam.

Finding a genuine Mistress really depends on your definition of "genuine". May I suggest that you write down what you are looking for, what do you what to give, and what do you want to receive in return.

Consider, for example, transitory or permanent relationship? Is "Mistress" the same a "Dominatrix". Are you looking for physical pain,  humiliation, or rather an opportunity to be of service? Do you need to keep this aspect of yourself hidden or could you survive if a relationship were to become public?

Asking these questions will help define where you can look.

Another site by the way is Fetlife.com.

Anyone asking for money before even agreeing, and arranging to meet, is a scam.

Follow up questions welcome

Brian (Fetlife BrianR)  

BDSM

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BrianR

Expertise

I will answer questions related to long term Master/slave relationships.

Experience

We have been married since 2007, and I collared her on November 1, 2008. My slave and I are married, monogamous, and committed to each other. My relationship with my slave is based on mutual love, respect, and frankly fun. Race Bannon has said "if you are not having fun then you are doing it wrong." We are having lots of fun so we must be doing something right! My slave is an intelligent (BS in Mathematics actually), and strong women who chooses to put her power into my service and, perhaps seemingly paradoxically as she is my submissive, my equal. She is my slave, my wife, my best friend, and my only lover. I respect her for her ability to submit and truly believe that it takes more strength to submit then to dominate. She follows, but not blindly.

Organizations
Masters and Slaves Together - Marysville (Washington) (founding director) MAsT International - Assistant Northwest Regional Representative 2015, Regional Representtive 2016 BDSM Writers Workshop (April 2016) http://bdsmwriterscon.com/

Publications
My essays are on Fetlife under BrianR (https://fetlife.com/users/9389/posts)

Education/Credentials
Engineer (however this probably should be under the category "barriers your slave has overcome")

Awards and Honors
With my lovely slave we were Northwest Master and slave 2013

Past/Present Clients
With my slave I have presented at national and international events since 2013. While we enjoy presenting at national events, we find more satisfaction in talking with small groups from Boise ID to Singapore and Hong Kong. Our list of classes is available at

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