You are here:

BDSM/Being a pastor/slave

Advertisement


Question
Dear Mistress,
 I am a pastor of a non-denominational church, I am 52 years old and recently married my wife who is 19 years younger than I. We dated for about a year and during that time the most we ever did was kiss, she was shy, sweet and what seemed very meek. on our wedding night this all changed, she even told me everything was going to change. She tied me to the bed and told me how it was going to be, laying out what seemed endless rules and my lifetime of servitude to her. We have been married for a month and a half and she was not kidding. Its like a dual personality, the woman I dated is gone and a new woman has arrived. This has all caught me off guards, to be honest I am not complaining this new lifestyle excites me incredibly. It seems as the woman I dated was a act just to catch and trap me, is this possible? I am allowed inside her, but only if I pay her, or buy her a extravagant gift first. Is this normal for a Dominant Woman? The thing is it really excites me and I have no idea why. She also only allows me to watch what people call chick flicks or shows she likes, sports is off limits. She also makes me watch porn which is against what I believe, but I want to make her happy and now I really enjoy it. She also has made me get rid of any of my friends, she says I only need her and her wishes. Her transforming me into her complete slave to be honest has really turned me on, and caught me offguard I never saw this coming, and feel like I am completely under her control. What I am asking is why did she change like she did, or was it all a act when we dated? and is what she is doing considered normal in a Dominant/sub relationship? my Wife is incredibly beautiful and I desire to make her completely happy, I don't believe in divorce and don't want one, she is actually now leading my church from behind closed doors and that excites me more than ever. Am I wrong to like all this? Just wanting some professional advice. Thanks for your time.
Sincerely,
Pastor Lee

Answer
"What I am asking is why did she change like she did, or was it all a act when we dated? and is what she is doing considered normal in a Dominant/sub relationship?"

To be honest my thought is that she was like this and kept it hidden; or you did not pick up on her behaviour.

To your second part. A basis of BDSM (of which D/s is part) is consent. This means open and honest communication about what she wants, and what you want. If you give informed consent that is one thing. If you have not given consent then, in my opinion it is abuse. Reread what you wrote but reverse the genders. "He was a nice guy until he married me and now he forces me too ..." If one of your female  church members came you with this story what would your counsel be?

You don't believe in divorce but that might be your only recourse.

Again BDSM starts with informed consent. Without that it is abuse.

BrianR

BDSM

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


BrianR

Expertise

I will answer questions related to long term Master/slave relationships.

Experience

We have been married since 2007, and I collared her on November 1, 2008. My slave and I are married, monogamous, and committed to each other. My relationship with my slave is based on mutual love, respect, and frankly fun. Race Bannon has said "if you are not having fun then you are doing it wrong." We are having lots of fun so we must be doing something right! My slave is an intelligent (BS in Mathematics actually), and strong women who chooses to put her power into my service and, perhaps seemingly paradoxically as she is my submissive, my equal. She is my slave, my wife, my best friend, and my only lover. I respect her for her ability to submit and truly believe that it takes more strength to submit then to dominate. She follows, but not blindly.

Organizations
Masters and Slaves Together - Marysville (Washington) (founding director) MAsT International - Assistant Northwest Regional Representative 2015, Regional Representtive 2016 BDSM Writers Workshop (April 2016) http://bdsmwriterscon.com/

Publications
My essays are on Fetlife under BrianR (https://fetlife.com/users/9389/posts)

Education/Credentials
Engineer (however this probably should be under the category "barriers your slave has overcome")

Awards and Honors
With my lovely slave we were Northwest Master and slave 2013

Past/Present Clients
With my slave I have presented at national and international events since 2013. While we enjoy presenting at national events, we find more satisfaction in talking with small groups from Boise ID to Singapore and Hong Kong. Our list of classes is available at

©2016 About.com. All rights reserved.