You are here:

BDSM/Permanent Orgasm Denial

Advertisement


George wrote at 2015-04-18 05:41:58
I am also locked in permanent chastity and have been denied intercourse for about the last 30 years of our marriage. In our case, my wife took a female lover after having sex with a male friend and hating it. My wife is not made for casual sex. She needs to have an emotional bond and makes love, not have sex.



We tended to have friends in alternative marriages. When you live much of your life as a threesome in public, only the kinky couples wanted anything to do with us. This was back in the 70's when you were either a lesbian or straight. No inbetween back then.



Our best friends were into wife swapping and swinging. Despite two kids and an 8 year marriage, the wife ended up running off with her lover. Another couple into what we then called wife sharing and is now called hotwife or cuckolding, also divorce when the wife fell in love with another man.



What we perceived is that despite intentions, rules and trust, emotions rule and make people make bad choices.  Few I know are aware of the hormones released after sex that are designed to emotionally bond the couple. That is why sex with the same person often leads to love. As much as we try to separate sex from love, the heart wants what the heart wants. We have seen this happen often enough to scare us.



Cuckolding holds many risks. Try finding an old cuckolding couple that have been married a long time. They are as rare as hens' teeth. What started out as sex between her wife and friend, ended up as a deep love between them. I did not mind at all because I never viewed her gf as a treat despite her making sure to present me in a very submissive light in front of my wife. I was not even allowed to share my wife's bed anymore.



Men watch cuckold porn and/or read cuckold stories. They get sexually excited. They do not feel any emotions other than sexual arousal because the women they are seeing is not their wife. There are many reasons why men like to see their wife with other men ranging from supress bisexuality to feeling that the value of their wife increases because other men want what he has.



I am tired of advising couples that cuckolding is best kept as a fantasy. Heck, more post about doing it than do it anyway so you never know if you are talking to some guy living his sex life online or the real deal. Any intelligent person will recognize the large risk in cuckolding. Despite intentions, rules and trust, emotions end up guiding our decisions.



Keep in mind that the odds that your husband is the only man in the world for you, are very, very small. As my wife once told me, given enough opportunities, sooner or later you are going to meet someone better than your husband in almost every way, offer you better sex and you love more.



Do what you want. You are the one who has to live with the consequences.  


BDSM

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


Madame Rax

Expertise

I am open and willing to answer any questions involving BDSM that do not specifically concern illegal acts involving children or non-consensual assault against an unwilling party.

Experience

I have had BDSM experience in a professional capacity since 2005. As far as personal, non-professional experience, I have always taken the lead in relationships, friendships, and other situational interactions. I prefer to "wear the pants" so to speak. However, this is not to say I wear the physical pants: I am mostly seen wearing skirts.

Organizations
National Coalition for Sexual Freedom

Publications
Excitedly, this will be my first foray into professional writing about BDSM, however my vanilla writings have appeared in several publications online. I am the former main web editor of a very popular DIY website, writing articles about electronics, repurposing, and sustainability.

Education/Credentials
I have participated in many educational workshops held by Pro-Dommes. I have also hosted a few workshops involving BDSM issues. I have done extensive research on D/s power dynamics and BDSM. As far as education, however, professional sessions and interactions with clients have provided most of my experience.

Past/Present Clients
I have a multitude of both. I specialize in clients with physical handicaps, rare kinks, edge play, LGBT lifestyles, and other underrepresented or marginalized groups.

©2016 About.com. All rights reserved.