BDSM/Need help - with my sister.
QUESTION: Dear Dr. Bob,
I am am experienced little girl in a committed relationship with a daddy of 17 years. I have a half sister, who recently started Uni (she is over 18 don't worry), I have never hidden our dynamic at home from her and she understands how a healthy power dynamic works. (we are 16 years in age difference) She has spoken to me at length about her own needs (we are very open with each other)and she is a switch(stronger leanings on sub/little girl) and is dating a new switch-dom. (who is concerned about all the right things, like safety, respect, knowing her needs etc). They both attend the same uni.
My question is this, as I got lucky in finding my daddy very very early on, I never got heavily into the bdsm *community* because i have a dom-heavy high-profile international job which takes me all over the world and I am rarely long in north America or Europe and have no access. So I simply do not know the right people - the SAFE people to introduce her to. Although you are American, I was hoping you might know some good communities in Canada, Vancouver to recommend to me?
It is unlikely this a "phase" for her as she has had these inclinations since she was very wee, and I anticipate she will be service sub (bondage, sensory, sensuality, service,mild to moderate pain), and a control-heavy dom (breathplay, obedience, service receiving, moderate pain infliction) when she grows fully into herself, IF i am reading her right. I want her as safe as possible as she learns these things - both in receiving and in giving. I have given her all the books I can think of, and I have also given her practical lessons on how to be safe, i have DRILLED safety into her - but you know our community. It can be wonderful and it can be full of predators. She has good self esteem, I did the best I could raising her since her useless parents couldn't, but i still worry. Her boyfriend who is also international is also just starting out and they could use... well, baby-step guiding from someone who won't lead them wrong. I have of course given them access to both myself and my own daddy-dom but you know how these things are... I need to give them more than just our own perspective. I am not letting her NEAR fetlife until she has a bit more knowledge on how a predator looks (she grew up in China. she was VERY sheltered. even with all my influences.)
Any help - community name, ideally dom or sub name you know you can trust who would be willing to give advice would help a lot.
Thank you so much and I really any help at all.
ANSWER: Hi, Pixie ---
Well, you lucked out. Sir Dragon Z (Brian) lives in Vancouver and is a VERY close friend of mine and my Master's. He is one of only three Doms with whom Master and I feel safe/comfortable enough to allow to play with Master (Jen). He is a VERY experienced Dom (and a whip master).
On Fet, he is Sir_Dragon_Z
How would you like to handle this: do you want to contact him directly (perhaps after you tell me to alert him to your letter? Would you like me to copy your message from here and send it on to him? I will NOT contact him until/unless you instruct me to.
He is VERY active at the "influential" level of most of the BDSM conferences in Victoria, Vancouver, and Seattle.
Now: I'd strongly suggest that you have your sister read two of our new books. They are "BDSM Mastery - Basics: your guide to play, parties, and scene protocols," and the companion book, "BDSM Mastery - Relationships: a guide for creating mindful relationships for Dominants and submissives."
They can see them (obtain them) from our website: www.KinkMastery.com
These books are specifically written for people just starting out. I'm a sociologist and I've written these books as a way of introducing people to ways of SAFELY starting out in our culture. I'd say that someone who has read both books would have the knowledge of someone who had been seriously involved with BDSM for about 4-5 years.
Also, on Fet, I'm Dr_Bob. Please feel free to send me a friend request.
Thanks for writing and I hope this helps.
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: Dear Dr.Bob,
Thanks so much for the fast reply! I already bought the two books you recommended and sent you the note to add. She is shy so I asked for anon wrapping if that is ok?
Thank you SO MUCH for the recommendation! If you wouldn't mind, I would prefer it if you sent him this letter and ask him if he is available/willing? (the man might be very busy after all!) I have not yet told my sister I was looking - she will actually be quite horrified that I have talked to anyone else about her in any way, even anon, but once she gets over the notion that the world is not ending just because one other person knows, she will still be shy in approaching anyone at first. So i was wondering if it might be alright - if Sir_Dragon_Z's if willing that is - that I start a dialogue with him first and then slowly lead her and her boy to him? (baby steps as they say)
Do you think that will be ok?
Thank you again for your help and the books!
Yes, that's a fine plan. I'll copy all this and send it on to him.
Yes, I see the receipt for your purchases. They'll be in bubble-wrap mailing envelopes. No exterior marking as to content. I love the inscription you want me to use. She'll undoubtedly be shocked (in a good way).
If I may ask, where do you live? Are there any organized BDSM clubs there? Are there regional BDSM conferences?
Thanks for getting the books; she'll thank you, too, once she's done with them.