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Question
I have always tried so hard to find new ways to spice it up in the bedroom and have loved everything I've already done and til recently that only focused of the obvious toys, different places, different positions, lube, anal beads, etc. But recently I've been introduced to bdsm and I've completely fell in love with being a submissive, almost obsessed in a way but I'm still new to it and need advise on wat else I can do such as bondage, different toys, and how to please my Dom to the fullest. We've done a little bondage but not alot and I'm craving to know more.

Answer
Hi, Jessica...

To get oriented quickly to BDSM, I'd urge you to get our two new books on BDSM Mastery. Our website is www.KinkMastery.com  No other books will give you a better understanding of the range of options you have and the safety involved. Book two is on BDSM relationships.  For books on the "how to," you can go on Amazon. Some suggestions (including ours):

Books if You’re Just Starting Out in BDSM
•   BDSM Mastery—Basics: your guide to play, parties, and scene protocols by Robert J. Rubel, Ph.D. and M. Jen Fairfield (This book, and its companion on relationships, listed next) will give you the most thorough understanding of the BDSM culture and how to navigate within it. There is nothing in this book about techniques; one can learn techniques, but one must first understand the contexxt in which the techniques are being used.)
•   BDSM Mastery—Relationships: a guide for creating mindful relationships for Dominants and submissives by Robert J. Rubel, Ph.D. and M. Jen Fairfield (Dominant/submissive relationships require skill and knowledge not only to negotiate but also to sustain. This book guides you carefully through that process.)
•   Leading and Supporting Love by Chris M. Lyon (Only book in print that describes workable ways to establish and maintain hierarchical relationships that are mutually supportive.  Very sophisticated yet easy to read.)
•   Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism by Philip Miller and Molly Devon (The classic guide to sadomasochism that is intended to strip away myth, shame, and fear, about BDSM to reveal truths about this intense form of eroticism.)
•   When Someone You Love is Kinky by Dossie Easton and Catherine Liszt (VERY helpful for explaining your interest and involvement in BDSM to non-kinky family and friends.)
•   Sensuous Magic, 2 Edition: Your guide to S/M for Adventurous Couples by Patrick Califia (Califia mixes erotic vignettes with practical advice and personal insights to produce a very creative guide to sadomasochism for couples.)
•   Playing Well with Others by Lee Harrington and Mollena Williams (Interestingly, this book is a marvelous companion to this book that you’ve been reading.  We cover very little ground in common and their material really picks up where this book has left off.  And both authors are friends of mine.)
•   The New Topping Book, by Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton (Helps to explain what make someone a “good” dominant, including some of the mental aspects of being a dominant, offers some advice on BDSM play and techniques, and covers the all-important area of safety.
•   The New Bottoming Book, by Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton (The “mate” to the previously-recommended book, this one is written for submissives/bottoms and deals largely with the mental/emotional aspects of being a submissive, rather than hands-on instructions in techniques and toys.)

You might also want to join www.Fetlife.com  It's free. It's "Facebook" for kinky folks.  I'm Dr_Bob, feel free to send me a friend request.  There are lots of "groups" on Fet that you'll probably find useful.

Best wishes,

Bob

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Robert Rubel (Dr. Bob)

Expertise

Anything related to BDSM or Master/slave relationships or activities.

Experience

See: www.KinkMastery.com I live 24/7 Master/slave lifestyle and have since 2002 both as Master and slave. My Owner and I present and do "weekend intensives" internationally and at BDSM conferences practically every month.

Organizations
Masters And slaves Together (MAsT) National Leather Association - International (NLA-I) National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF)

Publications
+++ BDSM Mastery—Basics: your guide to play, parties, and scene protocols. +++ BDSM Mastery—Relationships: a guide for creating mindful relationships for Dominants and submissives +++ Master/slave Mastery: Updated handbook of concepts, approaches, and practices +++ Master/slave Mastery--Advanced: Refining the fire; ideas that matter +++ Master/slave Mastery--Protocols: Focusing the intent of your relationship +++ Is THAT What They Meant? A book of practical communication insights

Education/Credentials
PhD, Urban Education Policy Studies with a minor in criminology, U of Wisconsin, Madison. EdM, Boston University with specialty in urban education Presented 80+ BDSM weekend conferences worldwide since 2007.

Awards and Honors
Pantheon of Leather Community Choice - Man, 2008

Past/Present Clients
Not applicable.

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