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BDSM/Training my wife to be sex slave

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Question
Hi,
Let me start with a little about myself and my wife who happens to be also my slave. We are foreigners living in Long Island NY.
I am 38 years old and my wife is 35. We have been together almost for 19 years and I must say we are happily married. For the last couple of years my wife felt like she has some things missing and she introduced BDSM to me couple of months ago. She believes she found the missing part in our relationship and that being a slave makes her feel complete.
She is really eager to be my slave and wants me to be a really strict master in every sense of the word. I am mostly an easy going type of guy but I found out that I had a hidden side of me also. I really enjoy our play times making her scream and hearing her begging me to stop really makes me hot and hard:)) her pain tolerance is really low, so I am taking it slow and trying to increase her endurance. But having her serve me in every sense is a new thing and I found it very pleasing and exciting.
We had such an easy relax relation before where she didn't ask me anything beforehand and I didint mind that before. I had to punish her couple of times already and her behavior only changes when she is scared of the possibility of pain.
She says I have a problem of not being consistent with my rules and desires which I am trying to change. My biggest issue is in the bedroom and that's what my question is about.
I want her to come with my dick only without external stimuli. She usually needs extra stimulation to her clitoris to achieve orgasm. She has come just with my dick But not much in all these years and I usually didn't care and was ok with giving that. We have great communication in the bedroom and she is not a shy person she will tell what she wants and I also easily tell her what I want. But now I want her orgasms achieved just with my dick, her hand automatically goes to her clit and if I tie her she tries to wiggle to get extra stimuli to her clit.
I told her that I would punish her if she doesn't come with me only but haven't followed on that threat yet. I am not sure how to follow on that threat.
Do I punish her every time she doesn't come w me only?
And how long should I punish her for?
When I punished her for other small things she never cried, is it important for her to cry for it to be an effective punishments?
Would you please give me some ideas on punishing her for not enjoying her masters dick?
Just so you know she is a stubborn person and punishment that doesn't involve any pain has no effect on her only when she thinks there might be pain involved she gets scared of me and begging me to forgive her , swearing she will not do whatever the crime at that moment is. When I punish her I either use a whip or a plastic paddle with button looking things on it on her, those really hurt her and she starts begging at the second or third slap. I usually don't slap her more that six seven times. Like I said I never made her cry should I have done that to make sure she gets the point? I read around and saw that some slaves are eager for punishments and they try to get them knowingly, she is not like that I am sure of that. It has been such a long time in our relationship where I was so lenient to her that she forgets that I am her master now. I know people can be trained to do anything given enough time and experience. Your help on training my wife to be perfect sex slave would be highly appreciated...
Thank you for your help

Answer
Dear Engin,

You seem to be very thoughtful and the way your wrote your question make me believe you have several key factors right: Willingness to learn, you pay attention to your slave's needs and communication, you have goals in mind that you want to achieve, you love each other. It is all good.

I just don't have any simple answer to your technical questions because they are not simple. You say she had orgasms with intercourse before, so making it easier now can probably be just a matter of improving timing, the combination of denial and stimulation in the right doses. Also, I don't see any advantage in trying to expand her tolerance for pain. If she doesn't take much, then that is great, give less, and when you increase it she will really feel it. You didn't mention bondage at any point so I would suggest that if you had just tied her hands elsewhere she wouldn't be reaching for her clitoris at the right moment...

You will have to do some experimentation. I like the idea of using bondage to control movement instead of punishment. I like to reserver punishment for situations where I am really displeased with something, and that is rare. But that is just me.

Think about those things and try some ideas, then feel free to get back here with more specific questions if you feel like.

Enjoy

Khaos

BDSM

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Khaos

Expertise

I can answer questions about techniques in BDSM, especially about bondage. I also have plenty of experience in the psychological aspects of it, dominance, mind control techniques, and erotic hypnosis.

Experience

About 14 years experience as a bondage Dom, kinkster, and swinger.

Publications
I write often for http://KhaosTheory.com and published a book about lifestyle design and sexual dominance.

Education/Credentials
I have been studying psychology, neurosciences, and the applied arts of BDSM for these 14 years I have been in it. Most of it is of very practical application and tested in the field. There are no diplomas on the wall, but consequently I am not bound by the limits and constraints of any medical or educational occupation.

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