BDSM/bdsm

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Question
QUESTION: Hi I'm new to this and I'm worried a dom won't like me cause I have stretch marks on my thighs and he won't like or want me

ANSWER: If a person can't like you for who you are why would you want a relationship with them?

A BDSM relationship can come in two flavors, erotic and emotional. In an erotic context, you are useful to the Dom for what you will give to them (only with your informed consent - if you don't freely consent then it's abuse). That kind of a Dom might find pristine skin higly desirable, and so miss the women who has much to give in favor of s much younger girl.

The second kind of Dom respects the one who has chosen to submit to them. Respects them for more than smooth skin and perky boobs. Respects them for their journey, their imperfections, respects them enough to care for them not as an object but as a whole, wonderful, complexed person.

Don't just settle. If they don't like you as you are move on; you owe that to yourself.

Respectfully
Brian

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QUESTION: Hi thanks that helped a lot.I'm new to this how do you think I should find the dom for me

ANSWER: Hi Trinity

Finding a Dom is, well, like finding any life partner, if you don't get out and explore then you will never find - anything.

A resource is www.fetlife.com which is a BDSM social site. (My user name is BrianR https://fetlife.com/users/9389 feel free to drop by if you decide to create a profile.) A word of caution however is that in the Fetlife world there are those who know and those who don't know. The ones who speak the most, and the loudest, usually are the ones who don't know and should be listened to, if at all, with a great deal of caution. Also if you present yourself as new, then you will be "fresh meat" and will get a lot of attention from all the wrong types (e.g. think predators) so you really need to protect yourself by being careful how much you revile.

If you decide to create a profile and would like some advice feel free to contract me or my slave MelR (https://fetlife.com/users/9395). However for the moment I would advise you to (1) create a profile with minimal information (2) DON'T select any fetishes or relationship status and (3) leave your profile blank for the moment. What you want to do is the equivalent of sitting in the back of a bar and learning what is going on by - just watching. There are literally thousands of groups in Fetlife. When you find one that is interesting, join but don't post. Start reading the different "threads" (discussions), going back through time I would guess that any question you may think of (and many that you have not thought of) will be asked and answered. One group that I can strongly recommend as being both practical and factual is BDSM Mentors (https://fetlife.com/groups/44). I have a great deal of respect for the moderators and their experience. If you look at the number (44) it is one of the oldest groups in Fetlife and with over 18,000 members one of the most popular.

Another thing that Fetlife offers is a connection to the local kink community thorough regional groups. For example Everett WA (https://fetlife.com/groups/14199) covers my geographically local community. Through that group I find out what is going on and then can chose to go, or not to go. For example, there are regular munches (a group of kinky people who get together to socialize in a vanilla settling like a restaurant. Munches are the typical entry point of new people into the physical (as opposed to on-line) community).

So to directly answer your questions - gather up your courage, use Fetlife as a library, and go to a local munch.

Follow-ups welcome! :)

Brian

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Hi again I was wondering if it's easy or hard to find a dom that only has me as a sub I don't want a don't that has more than me and I don't want my dom to have or sleep with different subs

Answer
Hi Trinity

Very common in the kink community but nothing wrong in YOU setting YOUR limits.

For example, that is the only restriction my slave asked for when we entered into our relationship. For her, that is a deal breaker; in accepting her I also accepted that condition. There are times, however, that we feel like the only monogamous couple in the group so by setting your limits you will, by the very nature of setting limits, restrict yourself.

This is a limit for you and that is OK. If anyone talking to you wants to cross that limit then you have every right to say - "Hard limit, not going there thank you but bye."  If they persist, more incentive for you to walk away.

If they agree to respect your limit but latter try to transcend it, it's your limit not theirs; again thank you but bye.

You may chose to amend your limit but that is your decision.

Brian

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BrianR

Expertise

I will answer questions related to long term Master/slave relationships.

Experience

We have been married since 2007, and I collared her on November 1, 2008. My slave and I are married, monogamous, and committed to each other. My relationship with my slave is based on mutual love, respect, and frankly fun. Race Bannon has said "if you are not having fun then you are doing it wrong." We are having lots of fun so we must be doing something right! My slave is an intelligent (BS in Mathematics actually), and strong women who chooses to put her power into my service and, perhaps seemingly paradoxically as she is my submissive, my equal. She is my slave, my wife, my best friend, and my only lover. I respect her for her ability to submit and truly believe that it takes more strength to submit then to dominate. She follows, but not blindly.

Organizations
Masters and Slaves Together - Marysville (Washington) (founding director) MAsT International - Assistant Northwest Regional Representative 2015, Regional Representtive 2016 BDSM Writers Workshop (April 2016) http://bdsmwriterscon.com/

Publications
My essays are on Fetlife under BrianR (https://fetlife.com/users/9389/posts)

Education/Credentials
Engineer (however this probably should be under the category "barriers your slave has overcome")

Awards and Honors
With my lovely slave we were Northwest Master and slave 2013

Past/Present Clients
With my slave I have presented at national and international events since 2013. While we enjoy presenting at national events, we find more satisfaction in talking with small groups from Boise ID to Singapore and Hong Kong. Our list of classes is available at

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