You are here:

BDSM/long distance punishment

Advertisement


Question
My Owner has asked me to come up with a punishment because he tried to call me twice and was not answered.  I live in Oregon and he is in Florida.  I'm already in orgasm denial until we're supposed to meet in 3 weeks.  My phone camera is broken so I can't send proof pics for a corporal punishment.  The worst thing for me is his displeasure and not being able to contact him today.  I don't know what other physical punishments I could offer him.  I've looked online and haven't found anything relevant to my situation.  I would welcome any suggestions or websites, etc. that you may offer.  I only want to serve my Owner faithfully and thoroughly and am humbly seeking your expertise.

Answer
Betty -

I'll start by noting I'm not a big fan of punishment. My view is to understand why there was disobedience (we're you ignoring the call, busy at work, distracted, passive aggressive, had the phone turned off) or what???) and find what steps will correct the behavior (in your case it could be reminders, schedule changes, setting specific times for calls, having a unique ring for his calls, etc

Now I recognize that some find punishment provides closure, atonement, catharsis, or other psychological benefit. I can understand that. But if the desire is to change the behavior, punishment is rarely an effective tool

I'm also not sure if he told you to find a punishment or if you're looking for something to demonstrate your desire to atone.

With that off my chest, I'll offer the suggestion that tying the punishment to the "offense" would seem the most appropriate path.

For instance, to emphasize that the purpose of the phone is communication, you. Could be restricted from using your phone for games or Facebook or whatever else. If you didn't answer because you were napping, you could be out on a rigid sleep schedule

Regardless of what path is taken,!i hope you'll talk with him about whatever was behind you missing his calls so that you address the root issue

BDSM

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


Ben Martin

Expertise

Questions related to power-based relationships in which decision-making authority is intentionally and consensually transferred -- and the resulting imbalance celebrated. I am able to assist those trying to understand where they fit in, and those seeking to structure and thrive in a power based relationships. Specific topics I am able to discuss include: setting and achieving personal and relationship goals, responsible Mastery, the use of protocols and rituals, communication techniques, and conflict resolution. In addition, I am knowledgable and experienced in polyamory, long-distance relationships, bisexuality and a variety of kinky activities ranging from mind games to sadistic play.

Experience

I have chosen to have a power-based structure in my relationships over the past 18 years. This has included a 16-year M/s relationship, several shorter term D/s relationships and various play partners. I am an active participant in various online forums and seek to provide support and advice to those interested in the Lifestyle.

Organizations
Black Rose

Publications
My writings, insights and discussion contributions are available on Alt.com and FetLife.com. On both websites, my user name is BenMartin

Education/Credentials
I do not hold any credentials specific to BDSM, relying instead on knowledge gained from life experiences, reading and conversing with others in the Lifestyle.

©2016 About.com. All rights reserved.