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BDSM/Talking to a dom

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Question
Hello, I started a dom/sub relationship and I find it extremely captivating. Anyway, I'm looking for some advice: I still hard put to talk to my master during sex, even if I'd like to. I sometimes don't know what to say to please him more than I usually do. I really want to take the initiative, but in this moment I prefer not asking him directly because I'd feel less self-confident.
So I thought an expert could help me with this problem.
What does a dom like to hear from his sub? Do you have any examples?
Direct/indirect experiences and opinions are well-appreciated.
Thank you so much.

Answer
Alyson -

One thing you'll find about power-based relationships is that there are very few universal truths. This applies to your "bedroom talk" question as well. There are lots of possible interests - complete silence (objectification as a fuckhole), pretend protestations (Madonna/whore), begging for more (attention), self-debasement.

The only way to know both the degree and type of communication he wants is to talk with him about it. I agree that having the conversation in the moment is a buzz kill. But you can have the conversation outside the bedroom: "Sir, I want to be the best I possibly can be for you. I was wondering if you want me to communicate more when you're fucking me and if so, what kind of communication would be most pleasing?"

Enjoy

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Ben Martin

Expertise

Questions related to power-based relationships in which decision-making authority is intentionally and consensually transferred -- and the resulting imbalance celebrated. I am able to assist those trying to understand where they fit in, and those seeking to structure and thrive in a power based relationships. Specific topics I am able to discuss include: setting and achieving personal and relationship goals, responsible Mastery, the use of protocols and rituals, communication techniques, and conflict resolution. In addition, I am knowledgable and experienced in polyamory, long-distance relationships, bisexuality and a variety of kinky activities ranging from mind games to sadistic play.

Experience

I have chosen to have a power-based structure in my relationships over the past 18 years. This has included a 16-year M/s relationship, several shorter term D/s relationships and various play partners. I am an active participant in various online forums and seek to provide support and advice to those interested in the Lifestyle.

Organizations
Black Rose

Publications
My writings, insights and discussion contributions are available on Alt.com and FetLife.com. On both websites, my user name is BenMartin

Education/Credentials
I do not hold any credentials specific to BDSM, relying instead on knowledge gained from life experiences, reading and conversing with others in the Lifestyle.

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